Expert: Jene Aviram - 7/3/2009

Question
My son is 7 years old. He will be 8 in September. He performs well in school, as far as academics go. He does not make friends well though. He always seems to be the "odd one out". It seems as though he is around other kids, just not participating. He also MUST have routine. He cannot just go to bed. He must follow the same order of snack, brush teeth, watch TV, say "Night, night. See you in the morning. Love you. Bye-Bye", then go to bed. He can be told to settle down and quit making noises, but will continue on, to no avail. He will continue even if punished. His clothes must meet a certain "softness" or he will not wear it. We have cut several tags out of shirts. If he gets in trouble (even for minor things), he will cry out of control. When something makes him mad, he will throw something and yell. He will not eat outside the house. I can make a sandwich from the house and take it with us. He still will not eat it. It is a constant battle to get him to eat at a restaurant.

We have every type of parenting technique out there. Nothing will work. He has been deemed the "difficult" child and is the reason why my husband doesn't want any more children. (We have one more, 3 year old girl that is fine.)

Answer
Hi Sherrie,

One of the hardest things is searching for answers.  It's really tough when you feel that your child needs help, but don't know exactly what's wrong or what you can do make things easier for him.

While it's impossible to diagnose over the Internet, especially with one paragraph of information, I can't help thinking that your son fits the profile of Sensory Integration Dysfunction.  While many people with Asperger's also have this, you did not mention any of the communication or social difficulties prevalent in Aspergers, which is usually the parent's main concern.

The great thing about sensory integration dysfunction (SID) is that it can be helped very easily with the correct services.  Typically an OT (Occupational Therapist) who's experienced with SID will work with your son.  It's usually great fun for the child who learns systematically to deal with stimuli from the environment.

As you've said, you have every parenting tactic in the book, but SID is not behavioral, and therefore doesn't respond to behavioral tactics.  I suggest you get an evaluation right away.  Tell your pediatrician that you're concerned about SID and ask for a referral in your area for a full evaluation.  There are many websites where you can read about sensory integration dysfunction but take a look at this one for starters.
http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/index.html

Another article you'd like to read is called "The sensory challenge".
This will give you an idea of how your son might feel sometimes.  You can find it at this link.
http://www.nlconcepts.com/autism-sensory.htm

I know that it might feel very overwhelming right now but a good Occupational Therapist will make the world of difference.
I wish you the very best.

Jene Aviram
http://www.nlconcepts.com