Expert: Jene Aviram - 7/15/2009

Question
I am the daycare provider of a 2 year old boy, July 2007 birthday, and am concerned he is delayed and his parents' do not seem to notice.  He only speaks approx. 5 to 10 words (Mommy, Daddy, Go, Come On, Fries, No, Bye, Hi), and repeats the same word for weeks on end.  He will not eat any proteins, unless force fed. He doesn't feed himself, unless it is a finger food.  He does not use any utensils, unless I make him.   He still defacates in his sleep.  He has a very difficult time adjusting to changes during the day.  He does not play with the other children, in fact he almost panics when they are playing loudly and outside riding bikes.  He will stand at the door and scream to go inside when we transition outside.   I can call his name and he doesn't respond, almost like he is deaf. He has very blank stares and avoids eye contact.  He is very unresponsive to me, and at first I took it personally but I don't have any other children that have responded to me in this fashion.    Do you have any suggestions?

Answer
Amber,

The parents are lucky that you care about their son and I do think your concerns are very valid.  By everything you've said, it's highly possible that this little boy could be on the autism spectrum.

The problem is that nobody likes to hear that something is wrong with their child.  Telling parents that you see a problem is a very difficult issue to tackle.  I would suggest you do this with great diplomacy.  They might have actually noticed that something is not quite right, and perhaps are just not mentioning it to you.  They might even feel if they voice their concerns to you, that you would not want to provide day care for their child any longer and perhaps they are afraid of that.  We simply never know where people are coming from.

My suggestion to you is to download this article called "How do you know if your child has autism?"  If you can relate to it, then pass it along to the parents and tell them that you came across the article and couldn't help thinking about their son when you read it.  Tell them that they obviously know their child best and ask them to read it and see what they think.  You can find the article here:
http://www.nlconcepts.com/autism-howdoyouknow.htm

At this point, the parents will do one of two things.  The article might scare them and propel them into action.  Or they just might not be ready to face up to the fact that something is wrong, and since they are the parents, there really is nothing you can do at this point.  By your description, my feeling is that they will take action.  Be as supportive to them as you can.  It's the toughest thing when you have to face facts that your child is not developing appropriately.  I think it's wonderful that you care enough to take such a proactive approach.  There should be more daycare providers like yourself!

I hope this has been of some help.

Jene Aviram
http://www.nlconcepts.com