Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 7/23/2009

Question
Dear Catherine,
I wonder if you remember me, but I had written to you about a month back about my 5 yrs old girl who has high function autism. Let me get straight to the point. Recently we had some relatives come over and spend about two & half weeks with us. They have gone back and after this lovely moment, time seems to have stood still and we have been feeling a bit lonely in our own ways. (We're actually an Indian family presently living in Thailand, just me, my husband & our little girl). It seems to have affected my child a bit. Even though my girl & her 7 yrs old cousin would have their own little fights, my little daughter showed her love & care for her brother in unimaginable ways and even shared her things. It was very overwhelming. However, now she often says she's sad & when I ask her why, she says certain person or friend was angry or somebody cried in school, so she's sad. How can I help her regarding this?? Please help. Another thing is, when I'm talking to her to encourage her speech and so on, she doesn't like it and just tells us "I don't want you talking". I'm confused and don't know what to do. This is the first time she'd done like this.
Before she never liked watching TV nor did she let us watch. She is sound sensitive. After our relatives' visit my daughter has started enjoying Tom & Jerry which I feel is good, because she really enjoys it!! What do you think?
Please let me know what I can do to help my daughter.
Thank you so much.
GLT

Answer
Hello Gunjan,

Yes, I remember you.

I think all these changes are actually good things. Your daughter is growing and having new experiences. She picked up the social cues of her cousin, like enjoying television. That is wonderful.

It is very common for children on spectrum to have difficulty knowing if a feeling (sadness) is theirs or belongs to someone else. I recommend you talk about how we can feel sad along with someone, but that we don't have to stay that way if it is not OUR sadness. She's learning how to do empathy but has not learned how to separate from it. This is also a stage and a good one.

It is hard to fool a child like this when trying to "encourage" something. To her, it feels controlling. Just talk when you really NEED to talk. The thing you need to insist on is that she uses words when communication is necessary. Pointing won't get it. Tantrums won't get it. I guess what I'm saying is, be natural in your communication.

Best wishes,
Catherine