AboutCatherine Ridenour Expertise I can answer your questions about parenting your High Functioning Autisic or Asperger`s Syndrome child. In particular, questions about family life, discipline, siblings, finding resources, and working with (sometimes opposing) the educational system are welcome.
Experience I am the parent of an Asperger's Syndrome child who is now 22 years old. She went undiagnosed for 14 years of her life, so I have done extensive reading and Internet research into the possible cause of her difficulties. Even a short 8 years ago, A.S. was practically unheard of by the public educational system.
We fumbled our way through her childhood and early adolescence without any effective outside support. In some ways, that may have been a blessing as we were focused on her abilities rather than a label for her disability. However, I can think of many times when knowing WHY would have been comforting.
Had we known very early on, some social skills interventions might have made her life in school easier. At this point, I like her for who she is so I do not regret how things have turned out. More importantly, she likes herself.
Education/Credentials I have a Bachelor of Science in Education.
I have worked to educate myself about Autism in general and HFA/AS in particular.
NOTE:
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Question Hi. My step son is almost 9. He talks, sometimes and very quietly. He is very very good with math. He is potty trained, has been for almost two years now. He didn't talk less than three years ago. He is with his father and myself 99% of the time with very little interaction with his mother. I feel like this is my child. I've helped teach him to communicate, I've potty trained him. Helped him learn to pick out and put on his own clothes and remember to brush his teeth every day. Hes wonderful with his brothers, especially his little brother. Hes a very bright, very loving, very charming boy. But.. my problem is that I get very frustrated with him. Its almost as if I resent him. I hate feeling this way. And I think part of it is because I'm not his mother. I can't take him to doctor appointments, or sign any paperwork for the school. I have no say in anything like that and yet I've helped this child begin to emerge from his shell. To interact and be independent.
What I'm trying to say is.. I would like to know if what I"m feeling is normal. If there is anywhere I can find other step-parents, especially, to relate to. I find websites and books about all sorts of parents struggling to deal with the diagnosis. I know that I wasn't there for the initial diagnosis, but I had my own struggles to deal with. Is there no help for that?
I live in northeastern Ohio. I have attended different meetings and seminars and groups and such in the area and rarely do I find step-parents. I know I'm not the only one.. but where are the others hiding?
Thank you for taking the time to read,
Colleen
Mom of 3
P.S. His brothers are 6 and 2.
Answer Hi Colleen,
I have had letters from other step-parents and they mention some of the same feelings and problems, but I cannot share their information with you. Even if I could, they live far from you.
You are certainly not alone in feeling some resentment for a step-child. Even when the child has no "problems," the lack of complete authority in dealing with school and medical concerns is difficult.
I commend you for all your hard work in helping this boy become his best self. Since he lives with you, your efforts are for everyone's benefit.
Perhaps founding an Internet bulletin board or participating in one that has already been established will let you communicate with other step-parents in similar situations. It's not the same as face to face, but it helps.
