Expert: Valerie Herskowitz - 7/13/2009

Question
QUESTION: hi valerie, i am the grand parent of a 6 year old grandson he has a 4 year old brother whom he just loves to hit at anytime anywhere the brother may not be near him but he will come up and push or just hit, when he is being told no sometimes he just laughs and laughs i have just started putiing him on a time out mat but im not sure wether this is correct i also explain in very short terms and he then says sorry to his brother and gives him a kiss but it will happen again in say seconds and we go through the same process is there something you can suggest with this and the laughing very much appreciated susan young

ANSWER: Hi Susan

His reaction to the hitting doesn't sound right to me. I would be curious to know if there are any other inappropriate social issues that your grandson is displaying. Or any other behaviors in general before I make some suggestions.

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QUESTION: not really sure what you mean by inappropiate social issues, could you please tell me examples, so i can let you know, other behaviors are quite okay nothing out of the ordinary i wonder sometimes if his behaviour is triggered of by his brother talking so much my grandson has a limited vocabulary. thankyou susan

ANSWER: Well you sort of answered my question. It seems that your grandson who is doing the hitting has a more limited vocabulary than his younger brother. That should tell you that there must be a developmental disability going on there. Six year olds should be able to talk fairly well. A limited vocabulary in conjunction with hitting and an inappropriate reaction to being reprimanded would certainly be red flags for a developmental disability. Have you had a professional take a look at him?

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QUESTION: thankyou, yes he was diagnosed with autism when he was about two, and his younger brother had speech problems but now hes in full swing, and after observing the older one it seems to be whenever the younger one is talking or playing and making car noises or  being a transformer whatever so i sort of feel thats triggering the older one so do you have any suggestions he seems to be okay at school i havent heard of any real problems with other children, but when were out in the park or at a play centre he will push or hit someone there and run off so can you suggest something else we can try. i sometimes wander wether he wants a reaction because a few times he will look at you like he knows that was a no so whatever you can come up with would be good thankyou susan

Answer
Yes-he is looking for your response, so you may want to ignore him and instead lavish attention on the other child who was hit. He is looking for attention, but if you don't give it to him, he should eventually stop. He may first get more aggressive trying to get your attention, but if you really ignore him and lavish lots of attention on the child who gets hit, my guess is that he will eventually stop. If that doesn't work, then you will have to do a punishment of some sort like a timeout or remove a toy or item from him. Not knowing exactly what his level of cognitive ability is it is hard to say. Try option one of ignoring him for a few weeks then get back to me and we will go from there.