Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 8/17/2009

Question
Hi Catherine,
My grandson has been diagnosed with ADHD since he was 5 yrs old. He has been on a few medications but not long on each. He is staying back in second grade this year and is not very sociable. We signed him up for baseball and football but have to argue for him to go. We thought it would be good for him socially? He is not good in math at all and can not work on things himself. He sometimes gets very aggressive towards his younger brother and has no convenience in himself. He will not apply himself to anything he would rather sit back and watch. His reading is first grade level. He had picked up in school but then fell back again. His family life is different and hard to describe. I just don't know what to do? Please help me.

Jeanne

Answer
Hi Jeanne,

So, if he's staying back in second grade, I assume he's eight years old, more or less.

Let's start with the home life first. Aggression toward younger siblings is very common in children who have ADHD but also in Asperger's syndrome and autism. He should be supervised, at all times, around younger children. Emotional immaturity is usually present in these conditions. His body may be eight, but his emotional level is more likely about five. He may not understand that others have feelings (common in autistic people.) This is not to say his emotional self will not grow up. It will, but with a 3-4 year lag. This is socially difficult for everyone, but it's just how it is.

If you are seeking social interaction, I would recommend something less competitive than a team sport. Are there any scout troops near you? The handicrafts and camping skills can build self-esteem and self-sufficiency. Many kids who have a spectrum disorder or ADHD thrive in karate or other marshal arts class. The required focus and discipline seems to be helpful. Also, his performance level will be individual so he will experience less harassment if he is slower than the rest of the boys.

If medications for ADHD helped, he probably has it. If they did not, he still might have it but not found the right medication, yet. In either case, he COULD have autism as well. Most professionals will tell you it's one or the other, but our daughter definitely has both. I know other autistic spectrum individuals who also have both.

You used the words "convenience in himself."  I'm sorry but I can't interpret that except as "confidence" or "conscience." If you wish to pursue this issue, write again and I will answer that question as best I can.

A stable home life is important for children with challenges. It does not have to be rigidly scheduled, as many people think. But, he does need a consistent set of rules that have logical consequences. I do not recommend physical punishment for these children. They don't respond well to pain as a deterrent. I recommend the materials from <www.loveandlogic.com>. They now offer podcasts and radio show downloads, They still offer audio tapes that you can listen to in the car when he is not with you. This program saved our family, I am certain.

There is only so much a grandparent can do without the parents' cooperation. It is wonderful you care and I hope you can make a difference in your grandson's life.

Bottom line, I think he should be reevaluated for an autistic spectrum disorder. It sounds like more than ADHD to me.

Best wishes,
Catherine