Expert: Paul Johnson - 8/25/2009

Question
Hi Paul,
Thank you so much for promptly answering my last question. I have done alot of reading and understand my husband much better.  Now the question is how and when to tell Tim that he has Asbergers?  Our family therapist thinks that we have to wait because he may not take it well.  Everything I read suggests that knowing the diagnosis has great potential to heal family issues and challenges.  He is going to be 50 and extremely set in his ways.  I see him sinking deeper and deeper within himself as he gets older.  Our sons are getting older.  The eldest is going into 11th grade.  I am afraid if we don't address this soon both the boys and Tim are going to lose out on any relationship they may have been able to forge.
Thanks!

Answer
Hey Donna,

I love your question because I am 50 as well and was recently diagnosed. The idea about being receptive to the news of my diagnosis is still fresh to my consciousness.

The most ideal way to share a diagnosis to a person is to combine what he already knows and to share it in ways that are affirming of his gifts. I would say something like he is a very creative thinker. That is thoughts and actions are innovative in ways that most people would not understand nor appreciate. However if one was able to appreciate this manner of thinking it would contribute to their life. His thinking and actions are such that it contributes to society because he classifies and views things in ways that help people understand mundane things in greater ways. Tell him that he is unique and precious as he is.

The name for this is Asperger's Syndrome. It is a syndrome or set of behavior patterns as opposed to a disorder.

This should go a long way towards helping him to accept this label without the stigma of having a diagnosis or having something wrong with him. Other people are blessed with thinking like him as well.

The Reverend Al Sharpton said it best at the funeral of Michael Jackson who had Asperger's in my estimation; "There is nothing wrong with you, there is something wrong with the way he is treated.

I think this will be well received. Let me know how it is received.