Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 9/28/2009

Question
Hi Catherine,

I have a son who was diagnosed as PDD-NOS at age 4. He has always been high functioning, but has poor social skills and trouble making & keeping friends. He is now almost 17 and a junior in high school at a magnet school. His talents are music, theatre, vocals, etc. He has only one ot two friends that he talks to and sometimes gets together with. He has been burned by a couple of girls thru misunderstandings or misinterpretation with them.
He is an only child, and I am a single mom. Lately complaining about not wanting to be "alone"; wants more friends, more social activites, and of course, a girlfriend. He ia in counseling which seems to help some but I am worried about the depression thing.
I have suffered from depression myself and I fear for him, esp. with his disability. He will be taking the PSAT's soon, and I know he will have trouble with this. Can I request special circumstances for PSAT/SAT testing? Hunter wants to go "away" to college and be on his own. I have very little $ for college.
What can I do? Are there colleges that are better for kids on the spectrum? Do they provide scholarships/financial aid? He ia a junior so I have some time. I would appreciate any help you can give.
God Bless,
Kim Voket
Southbury, CT

Answer
Hi Kim,

You don't say how his grades are, but they are usually the key to a scholarship. Few schools give money based on disability diagnosis.

Regarding the PSAT and later, the SAT, go to this web page to read about accommodations: <http://www.collegeboard.com/ssd/student/accom.html>. Follow all the links. It is likely the only thing he can get is a quiet testing room and, perhaps some extra time. You will have to provide medical documentation of his disability that is no more than 2 years old, I believe.

By all means, if he is academically inclined, he should go to college. Moving away from home is a very transforming experience for everyone. High functioning spectrum kids can do well. I recommend visiting several schools and getting a feel for the living situation. Dormitories may be too noisy and too social for him. Again, it depends on how the school runs them. Many colleges have a disability resource department. Talking to them can be very helpful in learning what academic accommodations he can expect.

As to financing college, he is as entitled to student loans as anyone. As soon as the FAFSA is available for the year he wants to enter college, file it. Go to <www.FAFSA.gov> to find out when this can be done. They will assess your ability to pay and give you an "expected parental contribution". Be advised that what you have saved for retirement is not considered part of your ability to help him go to school, but anything in savings and investments IS. Maximize your retirement contributions. He can borrow for school, you cannot borrow for retirement.

He should begin applying to schools in his late junior year. They will offer aid based on merit and need. He will be offered subsidized Stafford Loans which are the best deal. There will also be unsubsidized loans and parental loans offered. Be careful what you borrow in your own name.

Social life is hard for these kids. It's hard for them as adults. However, he will continue to mature, emotionally, and that will help. Most PDD or Asperger's kids are about 3 years behind their peers in this department.

If he is showing signs of true depression, he might want to consider medication. Many kids on spectrum benefit from a mild antidepressant. It seems to help them filter the irritations of the world a bit better. Depression can run in families. Given the social struggles of spectrum disorders, it's no wonder these kids become depressed. I'm glad he is in counseling. He can learn a lot from a good therapist.

Best wishes,
Catherine