Expert: Jene Aviram - 9/11/2009

Question
I have a four year old son who has been dealing with some difficultly since he was around a year old.His father was diagnosed with ADD as a child and I always assumed that my son had the same thing. I asked his pediatrician to help me find out why my son acted the way he did and she told me he was too young and that she needed the school to see the same problems I saw. I enrolled him into a Special education early childhood program when he was 3 1/2, he was evaluated through the school district and got into the program for a speech and language problem (which he did not have). He seemed to be progressing a little in the program but even his teachers noticed his temper was out of control. During the summer he became increasingly worse. He is very violent with his words and actions. He constantly abuses our dog and his younger brother who is 3. There are a couple of things that are very alarming to me first would be that he can make himself throw up and he does this all the time. I first noticed it when he was 3 and thought it was experimental, but it has gotten worse and has been going on for a year now. Another thing is his moods switch continuously from being sweet and kind to being angry and frustrated over the smallest of things. He was potty trained in  one day which I found astonishing. I put underwear on him one day and he never wet the bed or his pants after that. He is extremely good a baseball. He can hit and throw a ball better than most men I've seen. My problem is everytime I ask a doctor or any other professional to help me find out why my son is different they look at me like I'm crazy. I have been looking at the signs for aspergers recently and found aiden to fit the signs almost to a T. I am very concerned that he wont get the help he needs at an early enough age. I can't barely take him any where because it seems as if he can't handle being around a lot of people or even in a new environment. I have heard people say I'm not disciplining him and that is why he is like this but i find this hard to believe, considering a have a son one year younger who is very well behaved. Please give me some advice on what I should do. I feel like everyone is ignoring the problem and it is very frustrating. Thank you.

Answer
Hi,

I feel for you greatly.  It's very frustrating when you know that something is not quite right with your child and everyone thinks you're exaggerating.  It's even worse when others judge your parenting style and blame the issue on lack of discipline.  Let me assure you that you're not alone in this issue.  I've seen a lot of parents wear those T-Shirts that say "Empathy is appreciated.  Parenting advice is not!"

I will say that your child does present with a confusing set of behaviors.  It's no wonder you're having a difficult time to trying to make sense of it all.  There is nothing you said that shouted "Aspergers" because you didn't mention any of the social issues that are so prevalent with this disorder.  However, it did strike me that ADHD could be a possibility.  There is a lot of commonalities between ADHD and Aspergers, except that those with ADHD don't present the same social difficulties.

I think the violence that your son displays is simply a result of not knowing how to express what's going on for him.  I feel for him.  He's obviously having a difficult time.  I believe a good therapist with some effective strategies will change this whole picture.  He needs to learn how to channel his anger and frustrations.  And he needs to be shown how.  He simply doesn't know yet but he will learn.  Making himself throw up could be a manipulative behavior or a sensory issue.  You need some expertise in the form of a proper evaluation to figure this out.

I know you must be at your wits end with this.  You can't do this all on your own.  You have another child and I know you have a million other things to do.  You're obviously a caring, committed mom who just wants answers.  If I were in your shoes, I would get a referral for a child psychologist who specializes in behavior disorders like ADHD and Aspergers.  Get a thorough evaluation.  If your son requires services, this will help him get them.  

In the meantime, I would write a log of all your concerns.  This way you won't forget anything at your appointment with the psychologist.  Search for ADHD symptoms and if anything matches, write these down along with the criteria you found for Aspergers that you think fits with your son.  I would also take some video of any concerning behaviors and you can show them to the psychologist.  I also think it's worth looking at a sensory checklist - just in case.  Go to this page and scroll down a bit.  You can find a full checklist here http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-processing-disorder-checklist...

Most of all, this is NOT your fault.  You are doing all the right things.  I wish you the best of luck and great success.  See if you can get an appointment as soon as possible.

Jene Aviram
http://www.nlconcepts.com