Expert: Paul Johnson - 1/12/2010

Question
I have had a very stressful marriage, part of the problem has been the fact that my husband does not like to be touched and seems to have strange reactions to situations, especially serious ones (like when I was in the hospital - not knowing how to act or what to say) In speaking with his mom, I learned he was very sensitive to loud noises as a baby - and still is, in fact. There are other symptoms, too, that seem to match based on my online research. My question is, is it possible for autism to not be identified until adulthood, especially if it is "mild"?  And if so, what do I do next - what kind of doctor could help us figure out if there is an issue here?  Also - is this something we should do together, or is it something he would need to do on his own?  I feel lost, but hopeful that there may be a reason he is the way he is.  I appreciate your help - I think my marriage depends on it!

Answer
Hey Yvonne,


I appreciate your question greatly as I am Autistic, was diagnosed as a an adult after I was married for 15 years. So as you can see, the question strikes a chord with me and I can say much about it. I DISCOVERED that I had Asperger's Syndrome and then shared it with my wife who is still catching up to what all it means. She already knew what it meant to her as she knew I was emotionally distant in the marriage from the beginning.

As you described them, your husband certainly appear to have High Functioning Autism or Asperger's like symptoms. I think it is something that should be strongly considered. I will be interesting to know his reaction to the news.

When Asperger's is diagnosed in an adult it is important that the adult eases their way into the diagnosis or make a "discovery". This means he will have to make his understaning of what it means to him. Share some of the things about the "syndrome" you found and explian to him these are a set of bahavioral characteristics that he fits.

Also access the online information about significant others living with an Aspie partner.

Let me know how all of this ends up please.