Autism/Autistic Husband?

Advertisement

Expert: - 10/13/2010


Question
I just read the question from Yvonne and it struck a chord.  I just left my counselors office and she suggested that maybe my husband was autistic.  We have only been together for 5 years - married 3.  He was 48 when I met him and never married.  We haven't slept together in 6 months - I'm on the couch.  This doesn't even phase him.  He shows no emotional attachment to anything -  not even me or our marriage.  In the beginning,when I would approach him for affection, he acted as if it were disgusted by it.  We have only had sex 2 in the last year and a half and again, he isn't even bothered by it.  He does not do well in crowds - not at all social.  He is very methodical about how he does things. When I met him, he was almost a hoarder - piles of old paid bills, dating back for years.  He doesn't like to throw anything away, "incase I need it someday".  We don't go out to dinner or have friends to socialize with.  The only socializing he does is with his life long friends on Saturday evenings when they "game".  He is very intelligent and has been at his job for 30 years - and clearly knows what he's doing there.   I just need some kind of idea what I am dealing with and HOW to deal.  Any comments or suggestions?

Answer
Hi Tammie,

First of all, sorry for not responding sooner. I didn't get any notification email I have questions pending.

I really can't say if your husband is on the autistic spectrum or not. Some people with Autism/Asperger's have a hard time expressing emotions but that doesn't mean they don't have any. But not showing emotional attachment to anything or anyone is probably not so typical (I know quite alot of people on the autistic spectrum, and none of them is emotionless/cold). I and my husband are both autistic (I'm HFA/he's more on the Asperger's side), and we're very attached to each other, and we're both quite emotional (although our emotional "expression" may be a bit differnt from "normal", like emotions often don't tend to show on my face making people think I'm depressed (which I'm not) and such.  
What you discribe maybe sounds more like schizoid personality disorder to me
(see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_personality_disorder), but I'm not a psychologist/doctor/professional, so you shouldn't rule out Asperger's just because I said the above things. I think your husband should go and see a specialist to get a proper diagnosis (whatever that may be) so that you can work together to make your relationship better.

Hope that helps,
C.

Autism

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts

Volunteer

Celtica

Expertise


*DISCLAIMER*

Please note I am not a healthcare professional or a doctor.
I cannot provide a diagnosis or give any medical advice.
Therefore I cannot answer questions like "is my child autistic ?" other than by telling you to go and see a specialist
================================================================

Please be aware that if you are in the US it will usually take at least 24 hours until I can answer your question, as I'm in Europe and don't have access to my email during the day. I also cannot answer questions concerning the US educational or law system (other than by looking up things on google, but that's probably not the expertise you need), as I'm not in the US.
================================================================

Please also be aware that I'm a person with autism. My answers may sometimes be very blunt and direct and I may tell you things you won't like to hear. Diplomacy is certainly not among my talents. I'm never being rude on purpose, and I always try not to hurt or offend people, but it has happened before and may happen again. It's NEVER on purpose. I just want to help.
=======================================================================

What I *can* do for you is gather information on any aspect of autism and therapy of autism you're interested in and give you my personal oppinion about it (if you want to hear it) or, if it applies, tell you about my personal experience. I can answer all questions about what life is like for an autistic person.

I can also answer questions asked in German or French (but will have to answer in English to questions asked in French as my French is a bit rusty).

Ich beantworte gerne auch Fragen auf Deutsch.

Vous pouvez poser des questions en Francais, si cela ne vous dérange pas que je responds en anglais.

Experience


As I'm not doing well right now and am not in the shape of answering questions well - I recieved a few low ratings lately - I'll take a break from AllExperts for the next few weeks/until I'm doing better

I am an adult diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome/High Functioning Autism and ADD.

In the past years I have also read a lot about autism and its comorbid conditions and related subjects (as I am experiencing symptoms of most of these or know others who do) , so I have accumulated a lot of layman knowledge in this area (AD(H)D, Tourette's Syndrome, OCD, sleep disorders, allergies, sensory integration dysfunction, learning difficulties, left/right-brain, giftedness, Irlen Syndrome, prism glasses, executive dysfunction (aka. "inertia"), "special" diets).

Education/Credentials
None in the field of autism, apart from being autistic myself !

©2012 About.com, a part of The New York Times Company. All rights reserved.