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Autism/Don't know what to think

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Expert: - 11/8/2010


Question
Hello. My question is; how do I know who to believe? My child's pedatrician has refered me to a behavioral specialist because thjey have said she would like to test him "For a wide Spectrum" of things because he is clearly Extremely delayed for a 4 yr. old. My child's school say's he is fine. The way I see him at home, he definatley is delayed with specific things. My 2yr old runs circles around him. I feel so bad for him, which makes me cater to him a little more. Also he is taking 3 hours a week of speech 3-4 hours a week for O/T- P/T. The school tells me how wonderful he is doing, but when I have witnessed him in school, he is always in the background by himself or sleeping. I don't know what to do. W/B

Answer
Hi Lisa,

See the specialist and get the testing. You need to know, specifically, what his deficits are and what help he needs. Good for your doctor in making the referral. Talk to the school about letting him sleep in class. If it's nap time, that's one thing, but he should be participating when there is activity going on.

Now, a bit of parenting advice. Don't let your pity make you go easy on setting good limits. Expect and reinforce good behavior. Require him to do his best, whatever that is.

Be careful in comparing him to his younger sibling and try to prevent others from doing so. Celebrate his successes no matter at what level.

It will become hard for your younger child to be patient with the older one. Teach him or her that everyone has value no matter what their ability. Make sure the younger child has separate and special time with both parents. Too often, the child with limits gets the lion's share of attention and this creates resentment.

Once you get a diagnosis, write back to me and I will try to point you to useful resources.

Best wishes,
Catherine

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Catherine Ridenour

Expertise

I can answer your questions about parenting your High Functioning Autisic or Asperger`s Syndrome child. In particular, questions about family life, discipline, siblings, finding resources, and working with (sometimes opposing) the educational system are welcome.

Experience

I am the parent of an Asperger's Syndrome child who is now 22 years old. She went undiagnosed for 14 years of her life, so I have done extensive reading and Internet research into the possible cause of her difficulties. Even a short 8 years ago, A.S. was practically unheard of by the public educational system.

We fumbled our way through her childhood and early adolescence without any effective outside support. In some ways, that may have been a blessing as we were focused on her abilities rather than a label for her disability. However, I can think of many times when knowing WHY would have been comforting.

Had we known very early on, some social skills interventions might have made her life in school easier. At this point, I like her for who she is so I do not regret how things have turned out. More importantly, she likes herself.

Education/Credentials
I have a Bachelor of Science in Education.

I have worked to educate myself about Autism in general and HFA/AS in particular.

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