Expert: Valerie Herskowitz - 11/2/2010

Question
Greetings,

My wife and.I are teachers at an international school in northern china,
and have recently begun fostering a Young boy who we are told is
between the ages of two and two and a half. After observing him and
researching on the internet we highly suspect he is autistic. Complete lack
of the ability and desire to communicate other than grunting, infrequent
tantrums, fixation with examining certain toys and objects in our apartment
but not playing with anything, all line up.

Due to being in China, there are no support services, no special schools,
we are for all intents and purposes on our own. Being teachers and
parents already, instincts of parenting already exist. My questions are the
following:

1) What things need to be done that are abnormal to the raising of the
typical child?

2) For the life of me, the resources regarding autism are mostly composed  
of warm fuzzy bloggers designed to encourage parents who have autistic
children rather than actual advice that goes beyond the depth of, "love
them and have patience!", and, "diagnose as early as possible!". Are there
any online resources that you know of that you can recommend to me?

3) What things should NOT be done that are typically done when raising a
child?

4) How in the world does discipline work? Currently we are slapping his
hand when he repeatedly tries to push our tv off the stand or when he
tries to make a meal out of the dirt from our potted plant (greenery is a
luxury here). Does it take more time for him to learn (adding in the
language issue) or is there something else ti be done?

5) How in the world do we potty train him? Currently the kid is so
malnourished from the orphanage that his whole body shakes when
standing up with assistance for too long, but how do we go about it in a
couple months?


Thank you so much for your time. I feel completely helpless, at this point
just want to adopt the kid and head back to the States, but due to China's
laws if both parents being over thirty, that is five years away.  

Answer
Hi Nathan

I admire you and your wife for taking on a great big lifetime commitment to parenting a child with suspected autism. Being that you really don't know if this child is autistic, it's a little early to be telling you what to do. However, if your suspicions are correct, the first thing you will be doing is getting him a complete evaluation back in the states, and we can go from there.

I really can't answer your questions in the scope of this service as they are not simple answers. But I will say this: raising a child with special needs is not at all similar to raising a typical child. Your life will be consumed with school, therapy and doctor appts. Most likely you will want to implement a home intervention program as well to help him. There are wonderful resources that are available. Once you get your child to the states and he is evaluated, we can lead you to the correct resources that are appropriate at that time. That said, I am going to give you a link to a webinar that I did for children who are not verbal. (I usually charge for this service, but I want to help you.) Once you have viewed this, email me back and I will help you get started with a communication strategy to help him get communicating. Just paste the link into your web browser.

https://valerieherskowitz.webex.com/valerieherskowitz/ldr.php?AT=pb&SP=MC&rID=15433952&rKey=69ce7d05a7773e54
or
https://valerieherskowitz.webex.com/valerieherskowitz/lsr.php?AT=dw&SP=MC&rID=15433952&rKey=8e1d74458e90fe88


Discipline works through a program called Behavior Modification. Not through ANY physical means. DO NOT HIT OR SLAP HIM FOR ANY REASON. So does potty training, though he may not be ready for that yet as kids with developmental delays are often not ready at the usual time for potty training. So don't worry about that right now.

For right now, I would list these things as your priority in this order:
1. getting him physically fit
2. getting him back to the states
3. working on communication strategies to help him communicate
4. behavior strategies to help curb the inappropriate behaviors

So keep in touch with me and we will get you on the right road.