You are here:

Autism/MY AUTISTIC GRAND-DAUGHTER

Advertisement

Expert: - 2/9/2010


Question
We live in Scotland. My 8 yr old grand-daughter is autistic (very little speech - mostly repeating what we say).  She is toilet trained but needs nappies at night.  She cannot carry out functions of washing and dressing on her own,she isn't really interested in much except watching Thomas the Tank on DVD. She does like being out doors and loves swimming.My son is separated from his wife, and is not given information on her schooling etc and is threatened with not getting to see her if he asks too many questions.I am only getting to see my grand daughter now after not seeing her for 5 years (my son's ex would not allow it).  My son sees his daughter every second weekend when she stays without complaint at his home. Both my son and his ex have new partners. My grand daughter gets on well with my son, myself and my daughter and at first very well with my son's new partner.  Out of the blue my grand daughter became apprehensive with my son's partner and last weekend every time my son's partner came into the room my grand daughter rushed out.  My son's partner is such a nice person she is fond of my grand-daughter and tries to help and entertain her. Can you help, this is really upsetting my son's partner and she is a good person and wouldn't do anything to upset my grand daughter.  Could my son's ex be feeding bad information to my grand-daughter about his new partner - this would not surprise me. I would appreciate your advice. Thank you

Answer
Hi Lucy,

It is unlikely your granddaughter developed a fear of the partner without something prodding her in that direction. Divorce is ugly enough without one parent "poisoning the well" for the other.

The only thing I can suggest is that the mother be made aware she could be "shooting herself in the foot." There will come weekends when she wants to be free to enjoy her new partner, too. If the child will not stay, willingly, with Daddy, Mom is going to have to keep her or find other care.

I wish you luck. It sounds like a very difficult situation. I'm sorry I cannot be of more assistance.

Best wishes,
Catherine

Autism

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts

Volunteer

Catherine Ridenour

Expertise

I can answer your questions about parenting your High Functioning Autisic or Asperger`s Syndrome child. In particular, questions about family life, discipline, siblings, finding resources, and working with (sometimes opposing) the educational system are welcome.

Experience

I am the parent of an Asperger's Syndrome child who is now 22 years old. She went undiagnosed for 14 years of her life, so I have done extensive reading and Internet research into the possible cause of her difficulties. Even a short 8 years ago, A.S. was practically unheard of by the public educational system.

We fumbled our way through her childhood and early adolescence without any effective outside support. In some ways, that may have been a blessing as we were focused on her abilities rather than a label for her disability. However, I can think of many times when knowing WHY would have been comforting.

Had we known very early on, some social skills interventions might have made her life in school easier. At this point, I like her for who she is so I do not regret how things have turned out. More importantly, she likes herself.

Education/Credentials
I have a Bachelor of Science in Education.

I have worked to educate myself about Autism in general and HFA/AS in particular.

NOTE:

Please note that I have no control over the "sponsored links" at the bottom of this page. I do not endorse these web sites or their products or opinions. Use your own best judgment in evaluating any claim made. As with all things, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

©2012 About.com, a part of The New York Times Company. All rights reserved.