Expert: Paul Johnson - 2/21/2010

Question
Hello.
I've recently entered into a relationship with a man who has Aspergers. He's been able to take control of it over the years, and so his syndrome isn't very severe. He also says that he feels extremely comfortable when he's with me. We have been more and more physically intimate lately, and he admitted that he wants to have sex with me. However, he has an strong aversion towards bodily fluids. He can barely stand his own sperm, let alone another woman's wetness. Do you think there is any way that he would be able to overcome this? Is it possible to try and "desensitize" him to mine and his fluids? Also, do you have any pointers in making any sexual experience more comfortable for him? I greatly care for him and do not want to make him uncomfortable. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Answer
Hey Leslie,

Wow this is a first. A unique question that deals with aversion and intimacy. The key in addressing this situation is distraction. He is going to need to be distracted. Our minds are very powerful and we latch on to things that we hold powerfully. There is alot of overlap with obsessive compulsive disorder.

My suggestion is to do a joint imagery of mergence. Convince him sex is all about the mergence of body mind and soul. That is such a powerful image that it overwhelms the details of fluids and stuff. Hold hands and merge. Kiss and merge wet kiss and merge and work your way to sex. For more behind this philosophy the Indians, (From India) created a spiritual practice called Tantra. Much of the information is esoteric but there are more and more interpretations to American sensibilities and the two could get more ideas.

I think this will work. Try it and let me know what happens.