Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 2/17/2010

Question
My son is 10 and he has been struggling in school with defiance and how to be respectful. When I tell him he is being disrespectful he answers "how"? or "I don't get it?" How do I know he is really confused because of his Autism or he is just being defiant. Also at school when he was being defiant they took him to a 1st grade room and made him stand in the corner and told him he was there so that he could see how respectful 1st graders could be? I was upset with this because he came home crying and told me he was humiliated and hated his teachers. I don't think he learned anything with that type of punishment. How should I address the school regarding this incident?

Answer
Hi Lily,

Humiliation is not the way to discipline ANY child in the classroom. If the teachers think that an autistic child, who does not send or receive accurate social signals, is going to identify the respectful/disrespectful behavior of other children, they don't know what they are doing. Social behavior is invisible to him.

The only way to teach social skills to autistic children is by direct teaching. If his behavior is unacceptable, labeling it "disrespectful" does not give him any information he can work with. He needs, "Johnny, when I ask you if you did your homework, I expect you to say 'Yes, ma'am or no ma'am' and give me eye contact." He needs a clear description of what he did that was not okay AND a clear direction of how to do it better, next time. He needs practice. His teachers should see his "failures" as communication errors and not an intentional attack on their authority.

EVERY new situation requires NEW learning. Autistic kids are very bad at generalizing. A very simple example: he learns to share his shovel in the sand box. That will not transfer to sharing the blocks in the classroom. Even very subtle differences can through him for a loop and leave him without an appropriate response. Over time, he can build a bigger bank to draw from but only for familiar situations.

I would request an IEP staff meeting. Take some examples of structured social teaching with you. Remind the teachers that he cannot work with abstract labels for behavior and that he cannot see the signals they read automatically. He needs redirection with concrete words. He also needs reward for appropriate behavior. It does not have to be "stickers" or such unless he finds that motivating. "Thank you for saying that so nicely. You used eye contact and kind words." is easier and more immediate. They need to catch him doing things right as often as possible. Success breeds more success.

If he is not receiving "occupational therapy," it might be a good idea. These specialists work with social skills while doing other activities to build self-sufficiency.

This web site has many materials : http://www.angelfire.com/pa5/as/asteachersites.html

Keep advocating for your son. You're his best ally.

Best wishes,
Catherine