Expert: Dr. Sharon A. Mitchell - 3/4/2010

Question
I am considering asking the school psychologist to test my 11-year old for aspergers.  My question is...is it worth it.  I am quite certain he displays most if not all of the symptoms.  However, I live in a small town where services are few and far between.  I am concerned about labeling and creating a situation in which my son feels even more different.  He is quite aware of his so-called shortcomings.  However, he also has good coping skills and works on "techniques"...quite literally.  He's also quite confident in who he is and I don't want to open this gait if it won't be beneficial to him.

Answer
It sounds like you've done a wonderful job of raising this young man.

The decision as to whether or not to seek an actual label is a difficult one. Sometimes when those around him do not understand why the child is "different" or having the struggles he does then having a diagnosis helps to conceptualize the reasons behind the behaviors you see.

But it sounds like you understand your son quite well and even more importantly, he understands himself. Do other adults also have the same level of confidence that they know his pattern of strengths and weaknesses? If he's doing all right at school, both academically and socially, perhaps things are all right.

Your son is approaching adolescence. While this can be a difficult time for any child, it is often especially difficult for kids on the autism spectrum (Asperger's falls within that spectrum). During the early teen years kids begin to break away from their families and align themselves with peers. In order to fit in kids try to wear the right clothes, listen to the right music, use the "in" slang. These social nuances often go right over the head of the child with Asperger's or autism. Also around this age kids stop playing with "stuff" and relate to each other more through language and social chit chat. This chatting involves sarcasm and nonverbal communication through body language, again areas Asperger's kids usually find difficult.

Does your son have a couple close friends? Do they share interests? If so, those ties can help him whether these early teen years. You may need to be alert to help him dress, not necessarily fashionably, but so that he does not stand out as odd. You can help teach him slang and idioms. You can pay attention to the music and games and activities kids his age seem to enjoy and introduce these things into his life.

In my experience, whenever an adolescent receives a diagnosis of something on the autism spectrum, it does not come as a shock. Kids have told me, "I've always known I was different. Now I have a name for it and know there are others like me." Different is just different, not necessarily bad.

You might consider reading the book "Freaks, Geeks and Asperger Syndrome". It was written by Luke Jackson when he was 13; he has Asperger's. He believes that kids should be told as it helps them to understand themselves. My son agrees. He says how can you be expected to know what's wrong and strategies to help yourself if you don't know about it.

I live in a small town as well and understand about services available or not available.

Even if a diagnosis makes little difference to your family now, might it in future? Are more accommodations available at college if he has a diagnosis? More scholarship, grants or other financial assistance for post-secondary education?

This is not an easy decision and I'm not sure it's one you need make right now. If all is going well with this young man, you could consider waiting until he's nearing the end of high school to decide. By that age, you may feel he has the right to be involved in the decision as well.

Best wishes,

Sharon A. Mitchell, B.A., B.Ed., M.A., PhD candidate
www.autismsite.ca