Expert: Valerie Herskowitz - 5/26/2010

Question
Hi Valerie, Thank you so much for taking the time to be an expert on this site. I have read through a lot of your Q&As to try an answer for myself if I should be concerned about my son, but was unsuccessful. My husband's nephew has full blown autism and I suspect that my husband has some slight autistic tendencies (mostly sensory issues). I guess the best place to start is to tell you about my son so you can get a better idea. He just turned 19 months and only has a few words he says (mom, awa(for his sister), starting to say all done,) He baby talks like crazy and will carry "conversations" with me. He loves signing times and actually can sign alot (drink, eat, all done, daddy, bye-bye, doggy, birdy, milk, and there's probably more I'm forgetting). He was a late bloomer for crawling and walking (about a year old), he has a great appetite and loves to eat whatever I'm eating, loves to be tickled and give "eskimo" kisses, loves to play wrestle with his older siblings (teenagers from a previous marriage), will bring me his shoes to tell me he wants to go outside, will ask me Daddy is by signing daddy then looking at me quizically, he loves books to be read to him, loves to cuddle, loves to explore the yard, play with bubbles and his ball, loves beek-a-boo and clapping hands, giving me high 5s, dancing, "talking" on the phone, he seems to have a fantastic understanding of what is being said to him (knows what no means, will close the door when I ask him to, etc.) and he will try to "help" me (I'm currently on crutches so he will pick up my crutch and hand it to me or will try to assist me when I'm walking). So far sounds good right? But here are the things that are making me concerned:
-Absolutely addicted to Baby Einstein dvds (doesn't want to watch anything else)
-will sit on the couch and just bounce off the back (usually when he's tired he'll do this and even fall asleep sometimes)
-seems he gets way too frustrated too easily
-will repeat an activity over and over and over until he gets it (like opening the screen door, took him half a day but wouldn't quit until he got it, then did it some more)
-can't stand to sleep with a blanket so we have to dress him warmly (he's fine with that)
-has separation anxiety (has to be in same room with someone)
- obsessesed with rubbing/ caressing our hands (this may be my fault from when i was breastfeeding I would caress his hand in mine - it may have become his coping/calming mechanism?)
- not interested in other kids his age until just recently
- HATES diaper changes (i think mostly when he needs to be wiped from a soiled diaper)
-The most recent development is his obsession with running water. He's always loved bath time but now when you turn the water off he will SCREAM (same thing when brushing his teeth). This is what has prompted me to write - when I gave him his bath tonight he just completely melted down when I turned the bath water off. Then when I took a cup and started to pour water out he settled right down. When I stopped doing that he went off again, grabbed the cup and thrust it at me to do again.
-doesnt transition well from one thing to another (like if he's outside and time for lunch, he will cry because he has to stop what he's doing)
- sometimes will not respond to calling his name (but I really think this one he is just ignoring - he seems to have a very strong willed personality and alot of things are on his terms).
-Have a hard time holding his attention to show him how to do things (its only when he wants to learn that he will focus)

Sorry to make this so long, just wanted to give you all the facts that would help you determine if you think we should concerned or not. I think the two biggest concerns for me is the not talking and "obsession" (like the water). My older two (ages 18 and 16) both were very quick learners and pretty easy babies in comparison(of course I was alot younger then lol. PLEASE let me know what you think and is there's anything I've said that you would consider red flags.
Thank you so much,
Melissa

Answer
Dear Melissa

Sorry to be the bearer or bad news, but your instincts have led you in the right direction. You son, appears to be quite intelligent, seems to be displaying the red flags that we are concerned about in the area of developmental disabilities. He should be talking a whole lot more, but that in of itself is not a diagnosis of autism. There are plenty of children who are language delayed but do not have any other issues of concern. In your letter, you describe the obsessions, transition difficulties, not responding to his name, attention issues, and sensory issues that are often indicative of autism.Please make sure you get him evaluated by the Early Intervention Team in your area immediately.

Meanwhile, I applaud you for teaching him signs. This is wonderful and I am sure it will help him tremendously. If you want me to consult with you, I do that as part of my services. Just let me know by emailing me at info@valerieherskowitz.com. We can set up a home program for him so you can work on developing some of the skills he needs.

Good luck and hope to hear from you. I know that it is a hard thing to swallow. Feel free to email me for any reason- no charge of course!