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Autism/diagnosing adult children?

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Expert: - 6/16/2010


Question
My son is 37 years old.  He has always been extremely shy.  He recently was telling me he could hear his kids chewing gum or turning the pages in a book in their bedrooms and it was loud to him.  I thought this wasn't normal... he has always been easily upset when things are loud and out of place and as a child himself was a touch me not kind of kid.  I would try to hug him and he would make a face and squirm out of my hug. He didn't talk till he was 3 and used to just walk around in a daze with a toy car in one hand and food in the other.  He later became infatuated with tires.  He never had much to do with the kids in school and always hung out with much older people. He didn't do well in school yet overtime they tested him they said he was at or above grade level and that he just wouldn't do the work and I was wasting my time trying to make him go to school when he was older.  He dropped out of high school when he was a sophomore and got his aged.  He is having such a hard time keeping his life on track and when I read about aspergers, (?)  I thought it was him exactly.  How do I get him help?  He doesn't have health insurance and is unemployed.  I don't know what to do. When he does work he becomes exceptional at it but gets bored with it.

Answer
Hi Pam,

You are probably right. Getting any help is going to require getting him diagnosed. He will have to agree to see a someone who specializes in diagnosing adults. Do a web search for autism organizations in your state and tell them you need a list of qualified professionals. Also, ask about support groups for yourself and any training referrals they may have for your son.

Without an official diagnosis, he will not qualify for Supplemental Security Income.

Just knowing he has a problem may help him choose to try to find work he can stay with.

If he refuses to get a diagnosis, then I recommend a "tough love" approach. "Son, you're a grown man. You can't live at home any more. Time to get and keep a job." I know, this sounds like abandonment but you can't support him forever. Many people with this condition find they ARE able to swim once they are in the middle of the river.

It is sad that his school did not catch on, but 35 years ago, no one really knew what AS was or how limiting it would be to him as an adult.

Best wishes,
Catherine

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Catherine Ridenour

Expertise

I can answer your questions about parenting your High Functioning Autisic or Asperger`s Syndrome child. In particular, questions about family life, discipline, siblings, finding resources, and working with (sometimes opposing) the educational system are welcome.

Experience

I am the parent of an Asperger's Syndrome child who is now 22 years old. She went undiagnosed for 14 years of her life, so I have done extensive reading and Internet research into the possible cause of her difficulties. Even a short 8 years ago, A.S. was practically unheard of by the public educational system.

We fumbled our way through her childhood and early adolescence without any effective outside support. In some ways, that may have been a blessing as we were focused on her abilities rather than a label for her disability. However, I can think of many times when knowing WHY would have been comforting.

Had we known very early on, some social skills interventions might have made her life in school easier. At this point, I like her for who she is so I do not regret how things have turned out. More importantly, she likes herself.

Education/Credentials
I have a Bachelor of Science in Education.

I have worked to educate myself about Autism in general and HFA/AS in particular.

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