Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 6/1/2010

Question
I found out recently that my 21-year-old son, who has Asperger's syndrome, has been cross-dressing. Apparently it started when he and his friend Laura got a bit drunk... and now it's become my son's other "hobby".

He's even gone so far as to create a female alter-ego of "Danielle" for himself, and doesn't (unlike some male-to-female crossdressers) look like a drag queen. Apparently Laura (the one who got him into doing this) is helping him with it. I've even heard he's gone on nights out with them too.

He does have good social skills, and is well-liked, which is good for someone who has the disorder.

I'm just worried my son will be ridiculed for this, but he says Laura and her friends like him for who he is, consider him cool, and don't ridicule him for being this way.

Now he says he wants to be Danielle almost full-time, but doesn't want a sex change, paradoxically.

I'm concerned, but my husband isn't - just insisting it's a fad, but judging by my son's behavior, it doesn't appear to be so - this has gone on for almost 2 months now.

What should I do about the situation?

Answer
Hi Julie,

Your son is an adult. You already accept him as someone with Asperger's syndrome. You learned you could not change that and you love him for who he is. His good social skills are probably due to some excellent parenting on your part. Hard as it is, you should not do anything.

This is one of those situations that you also have no power to change. He will make his choices and live with the results. My suspicion is that being a woman, socially, give him a feeling of safety and confidence because he can put on a whole new persona free of the baggage of his youth.

By the way, most cross-dressers don't want sex change surgery. They are not cross-gendered. It's a whole different phenomenon.

Best wishes,
Catherine