Expert: Dr. Sharon A. Mitchell - 6/20/2010

Question
I'm 48, my husband's 52, and our son's 24 years old, he's got Asperger's Syndrome.

He is in full-time employment, working for a city bank, and lives at home with us. His social skills are good and he is popular. He says he's happy (except, his announcement worried us!). He has never had any outbursts and is a placid, gentle person

On Thursday he said to us he had something important to tell us. He told us to sit down, he had something important we needed to know, so we sat down and listened.
Our son said "I have been bored with life since 1992. Life was better then, the world was a nicer, safer, saner place, and things were more technically advanced then. I just want to return to 1992, I don't fit in now. I'm sorry if this shocks you, but it is just the truth, plain as that".

We tried asking him to find out why, but he said to us we wouldn't understand, and to be honest, I don't.

He's since become determined to try and get anything 1992-related; books, magazines, CDs, videotapes, television shows - and wants to change his room to look like a room from 1992.

We took him to the doctor's on Friday, said we were concerned about depression, mentioned his Asperger's syndrome, but they said to us "he was over-nostalgic and needs no treatment".

However, we disagree with his assessment and are concerned about this - it seems worrying the way our son has become, and we don't know who to turn to next for this.

I feel low thinking about this and need help in working out how to deal with this rather unusual problem - since I feel stuck in a loop thinking of how to resolve it.

Patricia

Answer
First, congratulations to your, your husband and your son. It's a sad fact that many young adults with Asperger's are unemployed. You should be proud.

I understand your concern though.

Having a special interest, even an overly-engrossing interest is common in people with autism spectrum disorders. (Asperger's falls under this umbrella term). Normally if I heard that a person with Asperger's has become  obsessed with learning all about a certain topic, I would not consider this unusual. But the fact that it seems to surprise you suggests that this type of preoccupation with a subject has not been the norm for your son.

For a mother, the words "I just want to return to 1992, I don't fit in now." would be alarming. I think you were right in taking him for a doctor's appointment.

His words though may not necessarily have indicated depression and possible suicidal thoughts. Is it possible that he truly finds that era interesting and wants to learn more?

"I don't fit in" is something you hear commonly from people with autism and Asperger's. Is this something new for you son? How did he fare socially during his teen years? Does he have a social group now? Does he want one? How does he get along with his co-workers?

He announced that he is bored. What does he do at his job? Is it challenging for him or does he feel that he has mastered those skills are is ready to move on either with that company or into another area? Did he attend college? Is there another field that would interest him. While generations ago people might keep the same job all their adult lives, now people change careers an average of five times in their life.

While the doctor's words may have offered some comfort, you still sound concerned. The gut instinct of parents is not to be ignored. You could try a different doctor or a counselor who is experienced working with people with high functioning autism and Asperger's.

Sharon A. Mitchell, B.A., B.Ed., M.A., PhD candidate