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Autism/Dad wants me to have a sex-change, I don't, this upsets me...

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Expert: - 8/23/2010


Question
I'm 16, have Asperger's syndrome. My social life is good, although I have some difficulties socialising and I have just finished school, and am going to college in September. Recently my dad has been pressurising me to have a sex-change. He's been ranting on and on at me about why I should have one, giving reasons why and where etc. and has threatened to disown me if I don't have it.

I've got one sister, she's 22. I told her about it and she said to me that Dad is not acting right, and she never knew anything about it until now.

I don't want to a sex-change. I've nothing against female-to-male transsexuals, if people want a sex-change it's their business and no-one else's, I'm not judgemental.

I told my mum and she was furious. She spoke to him about it but he insisted "I WILL GET MY DAUGHTER TO BECOME A MAN, WHATEVER THE F***IN HELL IT TAKES!"

She said to him that I can make her own decisions, and told him that I'm happy with who I am.

I've tried telling my dad that this is not going to happen, I'm happy with myself and my gender identity, but to no avail. He's steadfast in his belief that I need to have a sex-change. Even a heart-to-heart talk with him failed - he just would not stop and was unrepentant about why I should have a sex-change to become a man.

My dad just won't stop ranting and has never physically threatened me over this, only verbally.

Isn't his behaviour just a form of bullying, only on a larger scale than typical bullying?

About the only time I feel happy is when I'm either in school studying (a peaceful diversion from this) or with my sister, yet it seems like there's no way out.

I can't really move out of home as I'm 16, and financial reasons etc. yet I need to resolve this situation.

How should I deal with this situation?

Marie

Answer
Dear Marie,

If you are happy as a female, there is NO reason you should consider such a drastic thing as a sex change.

This is beyond bullying. Something is seriously wrong with your father. Unless your mother can convince him to get a mental health evaluation or move out, you need help from child protective authorities. I wish I knew who you should call in the in the U.K. but I do not. Ask one of the counselors at your school to point you in the right direction.

Best wishes,
Catherine  

Autism

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Catherine Ridenour

Expertise

I can answer your questions about parenting your High Functioning Autisic or Asperger`s Syndrome child. In particular, questions about family life, discipline, siblings, finding resources, and working with (sometimes opposing) the educational system are welcome.

Experience

I am the parent of an Asperger's Syndrome child who is now 22 years old. She went undiagnosed for 14 years of her life, so I have done extensive reading and Internet research into the possible cause of her difficulties. Even a short 8 years ago, A.S. was practically unheard of by the public educational system.

We fumbled our way through her childhood and early adolescence without any effective outside support. In some ways, that may have been a blessing as we were focused on her abilities rather than a label for her disability. However, I can think of many times when knowing WHY would have been comforting.

Had we known very early on, some social skills interventions might have made her life in school easier. At this point, I like her for who she is so I do not regret how things have turned out. More importantly, she likes herself.

Education/Credentials
I have a Bachelor of Science in Education.

I have worked to educate myself about Autism in general and HFA/AS in particular.

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