Expert: Dr. Sharon A. Mitchell - 8/18/2010

Question
I have a 23-year-old son, and he has a 19-year-old brother. He has AS, has had some struggles in life until he was 19 and went to university, but found his niche at 21, when he got a job doing graphic design and safety sign manufacture which involves AutoCAD and related products (he is almost an expert at this software). He has worked for this local firm since January 2008.

But it's not my son's behaviour or anything relating to dealing with Asperger's syndrome I'm asking about, rather the issue of bullying and Asperger's.

Recently we've been getting highly sexual letters with sexual photos of a Hollywood actress addressed to our son. Much of the content is too racy and highly-sexualized to describe on here, but basically the letters are addressed to my son, telling him how sexy and "hunky" he is, and describing what she wants to do to him sexually (and it's all handwritten). The handwriting was very feminine in style and it was on various coloured paper.

From what I can gather it was sent via Los Angeles, as it has a stamp on it that identifies the mail as Californian.

I have no idea why this woman is sending my son these letters, as my son's never met her in person, he's only ever seen her on television when she's been over here presenting a celebrity gossip feature on our regional TV station.

My son does not use social networking sites and is very safety-conscious on the Internet unlike some people his age (in fact the only personal information he ever gives out on the Internet is his credit card number, and that was for buying birthday/Christmas presents for the family via Paypal, which is much less riskier than social networking, arguably), so social networking/the Internet is not a factor in this.

I suspect, but can't be certain, she may have got his details from the electoral roll, as that info's in the public domain, isn't it?

My son feels upset and worried about this, me and my wife [his mother] have told him it's not his fault, he did the right thing by ignoring the letters and telling us.

The police are uninterested in helping us, saying it's not for them to handle.

I am not sure how to deal with this; the police aren't interested, and my son's already getting counselling over this, although he says it's not working for him so far.

This situation is one that I can't find a solution to; and as a family none of us feel we know how to cope.

We think we've done everything right, but what's the right way to deal with this?

[NOTE: Sent from shared email]

Answer
This is a frustrating situation for all of you. Somehow your son's name has gotten on some scam list. Perhaps he innocently replied to something or visited some website where they have captured his contact information.

I live in Canada and am not sure of the laws in the United Kingdom. If you contacted you postal system, might they have a way of tracking down the source and preventing this? Does your country have a "no call" list that once you give your name/address/phone number, you should no longer receive unsolicited calls/mail?

If you son continued to throw these letters in the trash, unopened, do you think the sending group would grow tired of the lack of response, realize they do not have a patsy and desist with their efforts?

I would suggest that rather than an autism expert, you contact one of the computer experts from the AllExpert.com website as they may better know how your son may remove himself from this list.

Dr. Sharon A. Mitchell