Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 1/30/2011

Question
I'm 43, and my husband's 45, our son is 16. His sister's 22 and lives away from home with her girlfriend in nearby Greater Manchester. He's doing well academically but his obsession is worrying us. He does not normally have obsessions, and never had any when he was younger (unless you count studying, which he's always been into).

He's become obsessed with wine. Not consuming it and necking it back like some youths would do, but actually being a proper wine critic. Ever since he tasted it at 15 (he helped himself to it without our permission one night) he got interested in it, and began researching everything there is to know on wine and vintners etc. This is when we began to worry.

Legally he's underage to drink in public (we're from Lancashire, England, part of the United Kingdom), where 18 is the drinking age.

It's not affecting his studies... studying is his other obsession and he helps others who struggle with it, despite having (in his words) "limited social skills".

I'm not sure if this is a good interest for him to have [the wine]. He's told me it doesn't mean he'll be an alcoholic, but it seems like he's lost all interest in anything else besides studying and wine criticism. His other hobbies were cookery, bowling at the local bowling alley and Nintendo Wii with his sister. However, he hasn't lost interest in hygiene, he keeps himself in excellent shape and makes sure he's well-groomed
(not the same as being overly concerned with looks).

He has few friends, despite doing well academically, and we feel worried about him. He doesn't act odd in public, or show outwardly recognizable signs of Asperger's or autism, so you wouldn't recognize it.

What should we as a family do about this? Is this a positive thing or not, and how would you handle the situation?

Marie

Answer
Hi Marie,

I understand your legal concerns. He needs to be very aware of the risks he takes by being involved with wine at his age. Remind him that it will be out of your hands if he gets arrested. Encourage him to be a non-drinking wine fan. He can learn about it without drinking it, for the time being.

Many wine critics are obsessed with the topic. It required a great deal of research to be at the top of the game. It is a passion that can be quite profitable if one finds employment in the industry. It can also be a very expensive hobby.

You might do some research into the career potential and guide him towards reputable education in the subject. Perhaps you can find him a mentor. I assume he is still in high school so looking at advanced educational opportunities is timely. Encourage him to take some business classes. This will set him up for financial management if a wine shop is in his future. (And for lots of other careers, too.)

Since he has never shown an obsessive personality before, this may be a genuine passion. I have a book for you. “Developing Talents: Careers for Individuals with Asperger's Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism” by Temple Grandin, Kate Duffy, and Tony Attwood.

At his age, a parent's role is guidance and advice. You aren't going to jar this notion out of his head but you can be the reality check.

Best wishes,
Catherine