Expert: Jene Aviram - 1/9/2011

Question
My nephew was diagnosed with autism about a year ago he is starting to communicate better with us but it is still very difficult when we don't understand what he wants, because he gets angry or starts crying since we don't understand him. Sometimes my nephew also has the sudden urge to push everyone in the room or be violent. what are some ways that I could help us communicate with him better?And do you have any advice on discipline?

Answer
I apologize greatly for the late reply but I did not receive your question. I just logged into the board now to update my settings and there are a bunch of questions in my inbox.  I have no idea why I wasn't notified and I've put in a request for them to take care of this.

It's wonderful what a caring aunt you are.  He is lucky to have you.
If your nephew is struggling to make you understand his needs, do you have pictures available for him?  In other words, pictures of everything he likes.  Foods, games, toys, outside etc. This way he can identify what he wants by pointing to the picture.  That would decrease his frustration level greatly while he's learning to express himself.

His violence might also stem from the frustration build up.  Either way, it's good to teach him early on that violence is unacceptable.  Autism or not, we can't go around hitting people :-)

Typically positive reinforcement works far better than discipline.  For example, if you have a picture chart the child can understand and follow.  Lets say you get some pictures.  One depicts sitting nicely.  One depicts "hands to myself", one depicts listening to a story.  Then you should have a picture of a reward a child loves such as noise putty or some other object.  The child should be shown these pictures and if he performs each one he gets a token.  Once he collects x number of tokens he gets his reward.  Start with a small amount of expected tasks and then you can increase it as he starts to feel successful.  You can use a token schedule or make your own.  This link shows a token schedule and explains what to do. http://www.nlconcepts.com/products/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=113_11...

You can help your nephew by explaining his world more to him.  
Does he have siblings?  Does he know all the members of his family?  His aunts, uncles, cousins?  Take pictures and get small album.  Make a book about him.  Call it all about.. (whatever his name is).  Your book can go something like the following.
My name is ...I am xx years old.  (picture)

As the time goes by you will learn many things.  Does he get an autism consultant and services?  They will be able to demonstrate many things for you.  You are a terrific aunt and I hope this has been of some help.

Jene Aviram
http://www.nlconcepts.com

I live in a house in (city) (picture)

I live with my mommy, my daddy and my (siblings) .. (picture)

I have an aunt named... (picture)

I have.....

Continue in this fashion.  After you've included the book with his family, I would add one or 2 pages about favorite things such as "I love doing puzzles"  and "Chicken nuggets are my favorite foods"

Children with autism typically don't understand our social rules, and it's often easier for them to play alone than to figure out what we mean.  Here are some things for you to try.

Get him to follow along with you in songs, like "When you're happy and you know it clap your hands"  Does he like cookies?  Make sure he sees a cookie next to you before you begin the song.  When you begin "If you're happy..." if he claps his hands, immediately give him a small piece of the cookie (it doesn't have to be the whole one.)  Continue like this.  Soon you will be able to stop using the cookies when your son follows along.

What are his strengths?  Focus on those and let him know what a great job he does.  What does he like?  Lets say he loves dinosaurs, try and get him to interact by relating as much as you can to dinosaurs.  Does he like music and songs?  I bet he does.  If he is having trouble with something like dressing, make a song and sing it.  Example "I am putting on my shirt, my shirt, my shirt"

You want to get your son to interact as much as possible.  Be silly with him, find games that appeal to him.  Sit at the top of your stairs and throw balls down together.  Make sure he interacts though.  One way you can do this is that you hold the balls.  Each time he wants a ball, wait for him to look at you and say "Ball please".  Then give it him and laugh or make a sound together as it goes down the stairs.