Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 2/2/2011

Question
I have a 15-year-old son who has Asperger's syndrome.
He's normally a good kid, brought up well, doing fairly well academically.
I got a phone call off my 15-year-old son's headmaster on Monday saying that he'd been stealing off other boys in school. The headmaster told me he'd been stealing their underwear during changing room in P.E. and their packed lunches as well.

I asked my son how he'd feel if someone stole something off him, but he said he didn't care - he said he didn't care much for possessions anyway. His bedroom appears to be devoid and empty of possessions, so it does seem to agree with that point.

He doesn't normally steal, and is generally a wellmannered kid, so why he'd do this is beyond me.

He's suspended from next week whilst the school look into this - and now they want to get an educational psychologist in, or a psychiatrist - but they're not sure whether to get the LEA (local education authority) involved?

I need a refresher - what's the difference between the two?

What should we do about this?

My husband is furious but said to me "Realistically, punishment won't work, he'll just carry on with this..." so what do I do?

Jane Doe
(name withheld for privacy/Internet security)
*sent from shared PC*

Answer
Hi,

One lesson that is hard for AS kids to learn is that consequences apply to them just like everyone else. The school will name the price for what happens at school. One thing you can do is make sure being suspended is not a vacation. He should be doing extra chores and studying while he is at home. Some parents put their kids on total supervision, (he goes where you go all day long), during such times. Depending on your situation, this may be irritating enough to convince him he does not want a repeat session.

The difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist is that the latter is an M.D. who can prescribe medication and has a medically oriented practice. I would choose a psychologist, hopefully one who has worked with many "on spectrum" people. Getting to the bottom of why he chose underwear and lunches might be helpful. It may be a bid for attention more than anything else. Stealing or shoplifting are common things in kids in the early teen years so he's not necessarily doing something unusual even if it is wrong.

As far as what you can do, it boils down to being the reality check. "Son, possessions may mean nothing to you but they do to other people. Taking things that do not belong to you violates the laws that are designed to help people live in harmony. You are no longer a child, you are expected to abide by the laws. If you continue this behavior, the consequences will be out of our hands." Go on to enumerate the path this can follow (court, probation, even jail).

Hopefully, this will be a short-lived problem.

Best wishes,
Catherine