Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 2/10/2011

Question
Hi,
I'm not sure if I am in the right category or not. My 4 year old daughter has been diagnosed with sensory processing disorder and high anxiety. I remember being told that it is on the other end of the autism scale so I thought I would try my question out here if you have any helpful information.

My daughter is 4 years old and has been diagnosed with sensory processing issues (loud noises, too many people/commotion, new places and people set her off) and with anxiety issues to new people and things. We do have an appmt. in two weeks with a mental health worker here in Canada but we are noticing one of our concerns getting worse lately.  Basically, she does not like her dad showing any affection towards me or even my hand on the back of his seat while we are driving. If we push the matter then she starts to cry and have a major melt down. When we ask her about her feelings, she says it makes her feel like she wants to hit and push (we think pressure and swinging are two of her regulatory ways to adjust her senses). She says it makes her sad. Her dad happened to have a conversation today where she said that she didn't want us married and that she was going to marry mommy and her brother and her dad could live somewhere else. When she came home she was fine with her dad and gave him lots of hugs when she arrived. She comes from a family that has lots of love for the kids however, my husband and I have had some difficulty with each other the past few years, mostly adjusting to our daughters concerns and a lack of sleep with two young ones (who neither sleep through the night). We are trying to work things out between us but it makes it especially difficult when my daughter freaks out even if we laugh at something. She also told me today that she didn't want me to hug Nana. It's mostly people trying to interact with me in any way. When I was helping my mom, step dad and husband to move a large piece of furniture, she started to fuss and hit me with a balloon she had in her hand. We don't know what to do and the last thing we need at the moment is for her brother to start copying this behaviour.
Please help with any advice you can give. I tried drawing a family picture tonight while we were drawing but she didn't want mommy and daddy to touch at all.
Thanks.
Michelle

Answer
Hi Michelle,

This kind of behavior is not unusual in children with autistic spectrum disorders. She depends on you to help her interact with the world. She is possessive of you because you are vital to her functioning. Many autistic children are overly attached to their primary parent.

It is likely that she does not have a firm grasp on the fact that other people have thoughts and feelings. This "theory of mind" is something autistic spectrum individuals are not born with. They can learn it but it takes time and direct teaching.

When she becomes upset that you have relationships with other people, gently but firmly explain that families love each other and this is how they show it. Be sure she gets her share of attention but not more than is reasonable. Do not tolerate hitting. A brief time-out is appropriate if she throws a fit or hits someone. Keep it short. Don't rehash it after it's over, just welcome her back to try again.

Drawing a simple picture book showing family interactions is a great idea. Look up "social stories" on the Internet. These simple books can help her learn how to react in different situations.

Discuss all this with your health worker at your appointment. She should receive therapy designed to help her learn social skills and reduce her hyper-sensitivities. Do some research regarding auditory processing disorder and Asperger's syndrome. Even though she does not have this diagnosis, yet, it's possible she may fit into that category.

Best wishes,
Catherine