Expert: Paul Johnson - 2/17/2011

Question
QUESTION: I am a woman in my 40's and have had problems forming and keeping relationships with people all of my life.  I stay to myself for the most part.  I do try to do things in society but it requires a lot of effort.  I do seem to get rejected a lot by people who seem to be very mean towards me.  I have been bullied most of my child hood and now my adult life.  I have been diagnosed with learning disabilities and am deaf in one ear with some hearing loss in the other.  However I was tested with a high IQ.  I have always been slow at figuring things out.  I have no family to support me.  I am perfectly OK with being home for hours doing the same things.  I do not like to be touched by people including doctors.  I don't know how to ask for help. I have social security for income because of epilepsy and PTSD and maybe some other things.  It is very hard to explain how I perceive things but I do know people say things and I have a hard time understanding what all they say and mean.  I have tried to do everything right and still seem to get into trouble.  People seem really mean towards me.  I am very honest and people take advantage me when they can.  I have no close friends to help me on a daily basis.  I struggle everyday and it never seems to get better.  The rejection really  hurts.....but I have been living this way most of my life. I see everything very much in black and white when it comes to rules and that is if I have been told what they are.  If I try to read rules I often have a difficult time figuring out.  Please I am tired of being tormented by some mean people and would like to know where I belong in this world.  I just stay away from most anything and I have been told this is not good or normal.  I know I have asked for help but also get rejected because I feel the people/service do not understand.  I  live in a life of disorganization.  I wish I knew where I could go to get help and be accepted.  Rejection hurts forever.  Thanks for your help in this matter.

ANSWER: Hey Terri,

Thank you for your emotional and passionate question.

I am not sure I understand your question clearly but I will offer you this-We on the spectrum can find our place in society and best be accepted by having our special interest be so appreciated that we are loved because of it. Special interest are things we love to engage in all of our free time.

A couple of people that are considered to be on the ASD spectrum are Andy Warhol and Michael Jackson, I am not sure if they are, however they were tremendous talents in their respective fields. As such they are beloved world wide even though we understand they have "weird" lifestyles and would be hard to associate with personally.

You to can develop what you love to the point where you are respected and beloved.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi Paul,
I guess I said a lot and maybe my question(s) were not very well explained.  If I could ask you the most important question to me today is I would like to know how I can get help to be like a normal person.  I know I am older and I should have asked years ago but I think I never really understood or could really explain everything that I have been through.  I have realized I need help with basic everyday things and when I ask for help I get rejected by county social services and even some volunteer services.  My apartment is a mess and I am worried I will be evicted. I am also worried I might have to go into a special home or assistant living.   I want to live on my own because I have a hard time being around people all the time.  I do not know what agencies help people who need some help.  I think I am very sad because I have been treated badly when I have asked. I know I need help to organize my live so I can do the things I am good at.

So where can older people go for support?  I have not ever found a support group where I live.  Is it because people with ASD are not willing to talk about ASD?   I have had some very bad things happen to me:
such as being rejected from a large non-profit organization that work with developmental disabilities. I was a volunteer and was doing very well and I had never been given any verbal or written concerns by the organization.  I was helping out and it made me feel good.  I was also able to connect in a way that was meaningful to me.  Then one day I get a phone call and was told I could no longer volunteer and they don't have to give a reason because they are a non-profit and I was a volunteer.  I was there for 4 months.  This was the most recent event but there is  more.  I wish I could name the organization but I would probably get into trouble.  I hope this helps you better answer my question.  I just want to be happy and have the ability to make friend.  Thank you.  Terri

Answer
Hey Terri,

Thank you for your follow up question.

The first step that you should make is to research your area Autism services and find a clinician that you are comfortable with and who would do a thorough examination of you and will be well versed in Autism. Submit to a full examination and discover for sure if you fit the diagnosis. Anybody who claims to be able to tell if you are Autistic from a set of stated characteristics or by looking at your mannerisms and behaviors are just guessing. They will have to carefully consider who you are and come to conclusion if you are on the Autism spectrum.

Once diagnosed seek out support groups in your area that are organized around adults on the spectrum. I conduct two in the Minnesota area and almost to a person, the members are relieved and comforted that the other members understand them and do not reject them.