Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 3/16/2011

Question
My son is 21 years old; he's managed to work since he was 16, within the UK state benefit rules.

He recently applied for an office job and got it but they told him that something on social networking websites they'd found doing a background check was concerning them (but it was NOT concerning my son, however, as he is completely uninterested in them - it concerned his father instead).

They said it was to do with the fact they found on Facebook a video of his father having oral sex with a female co-worker.
They told him it wouldn't affect his employment, he had a clean background check, but that they were more concerned about his personal safety than anything else - especially as his father is a known local businessman
(I work in local engineering, fitting streetlights for a living, my husband is a freelance consultant who works for various companies).

My son was astonished - he'd never heard of it until now, and they reassured him it was not his fault.

I told my husband, and he didn't deny it, he just said he was "drunk and stoned out of his mind". Strange as he doesn't normally take drugs and been a good parent, never shown any inclination to cheat.

My son enjoys his office job but is stressed outside of it, as hundreds of people have viewed the video and he worries someone will mention it.

How can we as a family cope with it?

Answer
Hi Julianne,

I think your husband needs to talk to his son and tell him he is sorry for doing something stupid (or whatever word he chooses to use). Your son needs to know his dad cares how this may affect him.

It is unlikely very many people who are worth knowing are going view this video or mention it to your son. Tell him that anyone so uncouth is not worth worrying about.

You're the one I'm more concerned about. I'm not a marriage counselor but you might want to consult one.

Congratulations for rearing your son to value independence.

Best wishes,
Catherine