Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 4/25/2011

Question
Hi,
My mom is always spoiling my little brother to the point that he's 5 but needs to be fed by my parents.
She always screams at me whenever I try to make him eat on his own, which he can, she screams at me to stop.
She also puts on a lot of butter,salt, or oil on his food so that he'll eat it better but I'm afraid that he'll become obese because she is too.
What can I tell her to stop spoiling him and stop giving him heart disease?
Thanks

Answer
Hi Kelsang,

I don't know why this is happening but if he is her "last" child, she may be unable to let go of having a baby. Because it has gone on so long it is likely a psychological problem that needs professional intervention.

Since I don't know anything about your family, I don't know if your father/her husband is available. If he is, talk to him about getting your mother some help.

Unless you are over eighteen, there is little you can do, legally, to change things.

I hope that your brother is entering kindergarten. His dependent behavior will certainly catch the teacher's attention. I expect he/she will discuss it with your mom at conferences. If your brother is on the autistic spectrum (you didn't say one way or the other) his occupational therapy will address self-care issues.

While you cannot control your mother's behavior, you can encourage your brother to behave appropriately for his age when she's not around. Spend time with him doing things that foster independence like brushing his own teeth, combing his hair, changing his clothing. Play catch or do puzzles, read books, take walks.

It's great that you care. I hope you can find some help for your mom.

Best wishes,
Catherine