Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 4/12/2011

Question
Our daughter joined our family at 22 months of age and has since been adopted by us.  The Office of Children and Youth Services, who placed the child in our home, described her to us at placement as being severly MR.  Turns out she and several of her siblings were later determined to be feral.

We are now finishing up second grade with her and she was most recently been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder and PDD.  She is average in her class acedemically, but socially she is way behind.

The 3rd grade in our school district begins rotating through three different teachers throughout the day, so we just recently appplied for and received a TSS for her to help with the school issues.  We have been so lucky to have GREAT teachers from K-2nd grade for her and have had awesome communication as well.  

Ok, so here are the current issues we are having.  

She has lost all interest in printing neatly... her writing was better at the beginning of first grade than it is now at the end of second grade.  She also is unable to complete tasks such as use the restroom or eat her lunch correctly while at school.  Just last week she locked herself in a stall for over 45 minutes and subsequently missed the bus.  And to top it off, she has now started to lie about things, and there really is no consequence that seems to affect her in any way.  Do you have any ideas on what to do next with her or which way to go.  

The TSS and the BSC work with her at school but no home hours.  After 4 years of OCY and caseworkers in and out of our home, we have only pursued school hours for the TSS, not home hours.

We are also dealing with a barely audible wimpy voice... whispering, and she just won't speak up no matter how much prompting we provide.  

We really just want the best for her, but it is so hard some days to figure out what works best... and then when we do, it only works for a little while and then it changes!

Thanks for any help you can provide.

Answer
Hi Linda,

Your daughter has some very unique and challenging issues that are beyond my experience, but I think I have a few ideas for you. I'm sure you already know that living her first two years without any active parenting or social interaction set her up for serious challenges in language and social behavior whether she is autistic, or not.

I believe that what gets attention is reinforced. I would approach the whispering voice by ignoring it, just as I would whining. Spending time and energy trying to get her to talk louder just lets her control you. If she wants her needs met, she will have to speak up. As soon as she does, the "reward" is getting what she's asking for. Don't make a big deal of it, just let it become the new normal. You may have to cue her the first few time with "I can't hear you." But, let it go at that.

Social conscience, meaning knowing truth from fiction and caring about it, is slow to develop in kids on the autistic spectrum. If her developmental issues are masking a mind of normal or even better intelligence, she can make progress in this area. Make consequences as logical as possible. A concrete example is that if she breaks a toy, you don't replace it. Losing the toy IS the consequence. Never name a consequence you cannot follow through with.

To some extent, lying is a stage most children pass through at her age. Our approach was to say, "I need to hear what is true" rather than say "you are lying to me." It gives the child the opportunity to come clean. If she maintains the lie, "I picked up my clothes", state what you know to be true, "I see that your clothes are still on the floor." Direct her in fulfilling the task one step at a time, if necessary. Follow through is vital.

At school, most of it is out of your hands. Work with her assistants to create logical solutions to completion of tasks. I think your efforts at home will carry over to school, eventually.

You might find the parenting materials at www.loveandlogic.com to be very useful.

Best wishes,
Catherine