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Expert: - 4/4/2011


Question
Well, the thing with him though he doesn't seem like his brother, where his brother I can see him as being at least 5 years younger than his age, but my boyfriend acts 19. He does know how to ride the bus, both him and his brother, and he's sure that he wants to live with his father. She doesn't really seem to care about them. She's only concerned about whether or not she can get child support for them and suck their dad dry of money. She gets SSI for the younger one, and blows on stupid stuff like lottory tickets, the scrather tickets, and she goes to the bar. :( I don't think this is right. She shows no responsiblity for them with that. She only wants to move out of state so she can be with her friend from school that may not even like her the same way. That's all she ever talks about. She doesn't inforce her youngest one to do his school work. Their dad on the other hand, makes sure to do so, and is very supportive with what my boyfriend does. I actually don't get anything about being 24 and him being 19, but my own father asked me if I was sure I could handle being with someone that has autism. I told him, I could, because I'm patient and I'm happy and he's happy, and that's all that should really matter. I just want him to be happy, and he's not happy with his mother. She even freaks out about him spending time with his dad, and all she does is tell them how terrible he is.

I don't think this is right. I grew up in a sitiuation like this when I was a child. My mother did the same to me, and she was wrong about my dad.

Answer
Hi Katie,

If your boyfriend is as mature as you say, he can just say, "no" to his mother. He is a legal adult and, unless he has been declared incompetent by a court, he has every right to live where he pleases. If his father wants him to live with him, no one can stop that.

His younger brother's custody will be decided by the divorce court. His father should fight for custody if he considers the mother unfit. Unfortunately, you have no say in the matter.

I'm glad you are happy in this relationship and I hope it turns out well for both of you.

Best wishes,
Catherine

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Catherine Ridenour

Expertise

I can answer your questions about parenting your High Functioning Autisic or Asperger`s Syndrome child. In particular, questions about family life, discipline, siblings, finding resources, and working with (sometimes opposing) the educational system are welcome.

Experience

I am the parent of an Asperger's Syndrome child who is now 22 years old. She went undiagnosed for 14 years of her life, so I have done extensive reading and Internet research into the possible cause of her difficulties. Even a short 8 years ago, A.S. was practically unheard of by the public educational system.

We fumbled our way through her childhood and early adolescence without any effective outside support. In some ways, that may have been a blessing as we were focused on her abilities rather than a label for her disability. However, I can think of many times when knowing WHY would have been comforting.

Had we known very early on, some social skills interventions might have made her life in school easier. At this point, I like her for who she is so I do not regret how things have turned out. More importantly, she likes herself.

Education/Credentials
I have a Bachelor of Science in Education.

I have worked to educate myself about Autism in general and HFA/AS in particular.

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