Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 4/6/2011

Question
My husband and I have been together for almost 6 years now.  My 13-year-old son from a previous marriage was diagnosed with AS  (at the mild end of the spectrum)about 18 months ago when we moved to Salt Lake City, UT.  Before the diagnosis, we just wrote it off as "eccentric" behavior.  Now we can put a finger on what makes him so unique.  However, my husband is having a very difficult time dealing with my son's behavior.  He gets very offended by the lack of eye contact,the way my son seemingly ignores him, the limited interests and the high level of anxiety my son displays.  It's gotten to the point where he can't even be in the same room as my son and has completely withdrawn from family life. Obviously, this has affected our marrige as well and I was hoping you could offer some advice as to what we need to do to try and get our little family back on track.  Any advice that I can offer to my husband to help him deal with and perhaps change the way he perceives my son?

Thanks!

Answer
Hi Maisie,

Since you and your husband have been together for six years, your son's behavior cannot be a surprise. I suspect something else may be going on. I am not a family therapist so I cannot make a good guess what. I strongly recommend you seek family counseling to work out the issues.

It's important to figure this out because your son is going through puberty just like any other 13 year old. Having a caring adult male in his life is very important.

The lack of eye contact, anxiety and limited interests are your son's version of normal. Find out if the "ignoring" is just not noticing casual interaction or willful defiance of direct communication. The first is no big deal, the second is a discipline problem that should be addressed by both you and your husband in concert with your son.

Again, I urge you to seek a good therapist who can help you both open communication lines. We can only change ourselves.

Best wishes,
Catherine