Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 5/9/2011

Question
QUESTION: My son has made some huge progress physically. He is smart and very good at book knowledge. He is struggling with attention. He knocks things over and doesn't listen to what is being said. He zones out. He is rude in an effort to help. Social skills seem to just evade him. Its like common sense is Not common. I don't know how to teach him to pay attention to words being spoken and things around him. I am frusterated and his father just yells and I dont want to do that. He has a sister with special needs almost opposite of him. Hes laid back and shes hyper. This causes him to loose focus even more in the home. Any ideas to help. I can explain more if needed. I want my son to be able to function as an adult without basic help. Hes so smart and yet he seems to not get things. Oh and his noises are hard to be around. How do we explain to him that those noises are not ok in certain situations? He can control most of them. Its like his automatic responce instead of words. Thanks for your help.

ANSWER: Hi Jeanie,

It would help to know how old your son is now. I can give a more targeted answer.

Catherine

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: My son is 9 years old and in 4th grade. His sister is 6 and in Kinder. His dad and I are living together but have a rough history (no abuse).

Answer
Hi Jeanie,

Thank you for the additional information.

First of all, yelling will accomplish nothing. Your son will simply filter it out or retreat into inaction. Neither will physical punishment have any positive effect.

Second, most autistic kids are about three years behind their physical age, emotionally. So, he is more like his sister in that area of development. He cannot respond like a nine year old, emotionally or socially, because he is really five or six in that area. All teaching of social skills has to begin at that level and advance in coordination with his emotional age.

Third, autistic children often have difficulty knowing where their bodies are in space. Most of us can automatically gauge the distance between our arm and the lamp on the table. He may not be able to do this. Again, this ability is part of maturation and it will improve with time and practice. Keep your "childproofing" of the house at an appropriate level to his ability. (Breakables above his reach.)

You cannot get his attention from a distance by talking or yelling. You cannot improve focus by overloading him with too much information.

When giving instructions to your son, give ONE at a time. Get his attention by moving close, tell him what he is to do, "Johnny, put your shoes in the closet, please." (Do this in the room where the shoes are, point to the shoes.) Then, if he does not move in that direction, take him by the hand, lead him to the shoes, have him pick them up and put them in the closet. (NO anger, just guidance). When the task is accomplished, "Thank you. Shoes belong in the closet."

Also, catch him doing things right. If you see him put a toy away, for instance, thank him and tell him how helpful it is when he puts his toys away.

I think you will find the parenting techniques offered by "Parenting with Love and Logic" to be very helpful. I know we did. It is a system based on teaching children how to make good decisions. You start with small things. You can find their materials at <http://www.loveandlogic.com>. Get the CDs and listen to them when your children are not around. Get your husband to listen to them. They help you identify your parenting style (are you a rescuer or a boss?) and how to become a consultant who provides guidance. Trust me, a high-functioning autistic child can and will respond well to this approach as will your hyperactive daughter.

Best wishes,
Catherine