Expert: Tim Runner - 5/30/2011

Question
Hello,

I have an adult son who is autistic. He can talk on a toddler's level and is affectionate, but he is dependent and can not live on his own. I and my husband take care of him at home. Currently most of the expenses associated with him are paid for by money from the state. The problem lies in the fact that my husband and I are aging, and its only a matter a time before we are no longer able to care for him.

My adult daughter has made it clear that she does NOT want to care for him. She lives in and travels around in an RV and she says she doesn't want to give up that lifestyle. She also says she doesn't have the financial resources to care for her brother. I would like her to care for him but I can not force her to do so. So that creates a problem: what will happen to my son when we no longer have the physical vitality to handle him? I know we could send him to residential group home but I live in Montana where such services are rare. Plus, I know that neither we nor my daughter has the money to pay for such a thing. Do you have any advice on what I can do with my son? He needs to be cared for for the rest of his life, but at this point I don't know how that will happen!

Answer
-- Judith,

My heart goes out to your and your husband. The challenge of caring for Autistic adults is very large. I am not familiar with what is available in Montana. I can only suggest you explore the programs available through your state. That seems to be where you found out about the group homes. There are also facilities that will take in your adult son in exchange for his SSI income. These are often operated by non-profits and some offer good care. You might want to do a search on Internet for such facilities in your State. I am not very knowledgeable in this area as I mostly work with special needs minors and represent them to school districts. You should contact the national Autism associations and go on forums to find out what other parents in your situation have done. What ever you chose to do, you might want to consider having your son spend part of his time at the facility you choose and part time with you so that he is accustomed to this new home when the time comes that you can no longer care for him.

I wish you and your son the best,
Tim Runner, Advocate
Advocates for Kids
Email: timrunner@gmail.com
Phone: (949) 582-3601
You can learn more at my web site:
www.special-education-answers.com