Expert: Dr. Sharon A. Mitchell - 6/13/2011

Question
I have an 19 year old son, who has Asperger's syndrome.
Recently I'd discovered he'd been looking at pornography online.
Not hard-core or sexy/explicit stuff, merely pictures of women in the Next catalogue, in the businesswear section (not the usual lingerie/Victoria's Secret that some men would look at!), pictures of crowds on flickr.com (non-explicit photos, ordinary, everyday people taken with their consent] and pictures of Helen Worth (Gail off Coronation Street).
The women are all older, about 30s to mid-50s, so obviously no illegality issues, and the pictures are non-explicit

Should I be concerned? It doesn't seem to be a big part of his internet surfing, most of his internet surfing is things like bodybuilding, cookery, health issues, financial advice, discount coupons for shopping [physical not online shops] etc. He obviously isn't addicted/that much interested in it if bodybuilding/financial advice etc. makes up the bulk of his surfing, I'd say porn made up about 5% of it possibly - a low ballpark figure.

Our family's always had a fairly liberal attitude towards the Internet - provided that what is looked at is legal, safe, not harming anyone and only giving out personal details if doing transactions or business online [my husband sells stuff on Ebay sometimes]. We've had no issues, not even social networking [which our son's brother likes, but won't use until he's 18!]

I did have "the talk" with him about it, and he said he knows pornography is unrealistic towards women, hence his choice of pictures to look at.

Does what he looks at even count as pornography, or not?
(Some people would think it does, others wouldn't, where would you draw the line!)

He's never had a girlfriend, and is a mostly sensible well-adjusted young man, although prone to depression about this area of his life - the lack of a girlfriend.

He does have friends, but they're all male, and do very much macho things like motorcycle racing, bodybuilding, skiing indoors etc. (we live in the UK). He does do activities but there's probably very little chance of meeting a girlfriend due to the sports being male-oriented and a "manly man/macho man" attitude
[not the same thing as sexism, here in the UK, at least].

Should I be worried or not?

BTW, his 17 year old brother (non-asperger's) seems MORE interested in pornography than my son does, isn't this an area I should be concerned with? [well, for his brother anyway]

What would you advise on this area? Is it even normal for someone with autism/Asperger's to even look at/be interested in pornography?



* Sent via a VPN from public terminal - on the move.

Answer
Hello Jane,

No, I don't think you need to worry too much about your son, especially since you're an family open to discussions and you've already talked to him about pornography. For a 19 year old to view some online sex sites is likely not unusual; what may be unusual is that his family knows about it.

While other young man may have viewed such sites when they were younger, some kids with autism spectrum disorders mature later and may come to have an interest in the opposite sex some years later than might their neurotypical counterparts. You're probably seeing this in your younger son. Your 19 year old may be at the stage where he is comfortable with same sex friendships, a developmental stage adolescents go through before interacting more with those of the opposite sex.

A short time ago I answered a similar question from another mother that you might find interesting: http://en.allexperts.com/q/Autism-1010/2011/5/Son-wants-himself-feels.htm

Best wishes,

Dr. Sharon Mitchell