Expert: Paul Johnson - 7/28/2011

Question
I am 38 years old and have always felt different from other people.At school I was extremely quiet and self concious and did not enjoy social interaction. It felt as if I were some alien in some strange land and I just could not relate to my peers. I did not have anything in common with anyone and could not hold conversations. At home I stayed in my room most of the time doing my own thing and I was comfortable with my own company. I could not and still do not cope with any change particularly when it is unexpected and feel the need to be in control always. I like everything to be ordered and perfect and any inperfection gets me angry and I get very agitated when things do not go to plan. I am extremely sensitive to noise, especially when there are too many different sounds, it feels like roaring in my ears, I am also very light sensitive.I do not like to be touched, can tolerate it very briefly but feel very agitated. I also find it hard to give eye contact, it feels unnatural and very uncomfortable. I have taught myself to do it briefly and also set up rules for myself like to try not to interupt in conversation and to remember to ask the other person how they are, but really I am not interested in what they say unless it relates to me.I do now enjoy interacting with a few people but get angry inside when they talk to other people. I know it sounds bad but thats just how it is.I also find it difficult trying new things. I have children and a partner and one of my children has aspergers, and one is being assessed for autism.The more I have studied autism the more I have come to realise that I share many of their traits. However I do feel alot of afection towards my own mother and also my children. I have no problem showing them, but cannot except it from or give it to anyone else.I feel so confused, does it sound like I could be on the spectrum?

Answer
Hey Sharon,


Thank you for your probing and challenging question. Sure it does. You sound like you very much experience many of the traits that we struggle with. But you already knew that.

Of course I can neither confirm nor deny the presence of your Autism or provide you with an accurate diagnosis. So what I believe your true and unwritten question is: Are you prepared to consciously share the experience your child is living? I see you as struggling with coming to grips with what your unconscious is hinting at, that you are are an individual living with Autism.

A few figures come to mind when we approach your question this way. 1) The majority of the individuals living with Autism do not know it. 2)We live in the information age, as such many have correctly self diagnoses before they enter the clinicians office. 3) Getting a diagnosis is largely a function of confirmation regarding our struggles more than an admission that we are somehow defective.

We do not need to be fixed, we are seeking understanding and general acceptance from the community.

Welcome, being on the spectrum does not have to be the product of a formal process

"S/he who feels it knows it"