Expert: Valerie Herskowitz - 7/28/2011

Question
QUESTION: Can you give an explanation one that i can understand about what impaired emotional/social reciprocity is? I am a nineteen year old, I am not diagnosed with aspergers, my mind is convinced itself i have aspergers. What is your advice for someone of my concern who has been told I do not have aspergers by professionals yet I fear I might?

ANSWER: Hi Celia

Are you unable to feel empathy for someone? Do you have difficulty understanding other people's points of view on a subject? In other words, do you basically look at life from your perspective and don't really get why others think differently?

If so, you may have some traits of Asperger's Syndrome. There are other traits or characteristics which are also often present which may throw the professionals off. AS runs on a spectrum so every person that has it doesn't necessarily have the exact same characteristics and to the same degree as the other.

Instead of focusing on whether or not you have it, focus on if you need to try and relate to others in a different way that is more understanding of their point of view. Even if you don't get why they think or feel a certain way, you should try to accept the fact that they do have a different way of thinking than you.

Psychologists that work with AS can help you to understand your issue in this area if you do indeed have that problem. I also counsel people with difficulty in this area if you are ever interested. My email address is info@valerieherskowitz.com

Good luck and thanks for writing

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QUESTION: How do I know if I have empathy for someone? There are no examples online that reassure me.

ANSWER: Hi Celia

Do you feel badly when someone is sad? Do you actually have a feeling in your body of sadness even though the problem is someone elses? Do you feel happiness in your body when something nice happens to someone else? This is called empathy. If the emotions that others feel do not have an impact on you at all, I would say that you do not have empathy.

Here's an example:
If someone was getting bullied and you were a witness, would you feel discomfort for that person? This is an example of empathy.

Here is an another:
If your friend told you that she had fallen in love with someone and was really happy, would you feel happiness in your body for her. Does it make you happy?

Hope this helps

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: To Valerie. I have empathy how you put it, so is it unlikely I have aspergers?

Answer
Hi Celia
No-I can't say that. Number one-I am not allowed to diagnose and secondly, I am only responding to your original question regarding emotional and social reciprocity. Not knowing you, I can't do a justice to you. But focus on the issues that you think you have and maybe see a psychologist who can help you with those.

Good luck