Expert: Dr. Sharon A. Mitchell - 8/1/2011

Question
Disclaimer: No personal information mentioned and all names are placeholder names. Personal details and ages are changed.

I'm 25 years old, have Asperger's syndrome, have qualifications in computing and business systems. I'm from the south-east of England. I do some voluntary work teaching computers (within British benefits regulations on disabled people working) and am interested in cars/automobiles, computing/software development,  travel and the news/media/music. I have one sibling, he's 22.

However, although I enjoy my work, I don't really have that much of a life outside of it (not counting my family - family is very important to me). This is probably because some of the other people have side employment ("moonlighting") and others are married / with partners / married with children and so, have their own lives to lead.

Also, I've rarely got on with people my own age, instead it's always older people (intergenerational friendships) and friends of my parents / cousins / work colleagues etc.

I do drink, but only as a social drinker, not for the sake of it.

I would like to socialise more, I've realised this now I'm an adult, but don't know where to start - due to my interests (some of them are possibly a bit esoteric) I don't think I'd be able to meet people. Well, technically, I would, but I doubt I'd see them again. I mean I could make friends with someone in work who's a corporate customer - but it's keeping the friendship that's the issue.

I also want a girlfriend / partner, but this area also is an issue for me as I have no idea where to meet women who would like me. Generally I tend to like women 5 - 15 years older than me, but if the right woman my own age came along I would date them. It's just finding one, and trusting them when they say they're single (a friend "John Doe*", 22 dated this girl for 6 months, only to find she had a long-term boyfriend of 18 months on the side and I worried it could happen to me!)

What advice would you give? I would really appreciate the help.

AN Other
(placeholder name for safety)

Answer
Hello AN Other,

I'm not sure I am the best person to respond to your question. I think you might prefer an answer from a young adult who actually has Asperger's or autism and can tell you more about how he or she handles the social aspects. There are a couple others on the All Experts autism grouping who are around your age and have an ASD. I'd suggest that you forward your question to Kai (http://www.allexperts.com/ep/1010-120460/Autism/Kai.htm) or Celtica (http://www.allexperts.com/ep/1010-72871/Autism/Celtica.htm).

Have you considered online dating sites? I have heard complaints among people with ASD that they do not find matches. I have also heard that complaint from neurotypicals. The difference might be that the latter keep going back over and over to the sites until they do find a compatible match.

There is an online autism dating site at http://www.autismone.org/content/first-real-online-autism-only-dating-website-ww.

My other suggest is to read some of the books written by articulate adults who has ASDs, such as Jerry Newport (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Your-Life-Not-Label-Bass/dp/1885477775/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF) and "The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships" by Temple Grandin and Sean Barron (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Unwritten-Rules-Social-Relationships/dp/193256506X/ref=s). Temple also has another book that might be helpful, on turning your talents and interests into employment (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Developing-Talents-Individuals-Asperger-High-functioning). In case you're not familiar with Temple Grandin, she's likely the most famous person with autism. She's written many books and travels the world talking about ASDs. She has made an equally famous name for herself in the field of cattle handling and is a prof at the University of Colorado in the US. Time Magazine named her one of the most influential people of the decade. A year or so ago there was a movie made about her: http://www.amazon.com/Temple-Grandin-Claire-Danes/dp/B0038M2AZA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UT.

She believes that it is important to encourage the interests of people with Asperger's and high functioning autism so that these keen interests and talents can be translated into jobs. She also feels that it is through these interests that most social needs will be met. This might be the case for you.

Dr. Sharon A. Mitchell