Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 2/8/2012

Question
My son is 12 years old and in 6th grade (middle school).  He was diagnosed with ADHD (severe) in kindergarten and diagnosed with Aspergers about 2 years ago.  When he was in elementary school, I was in constant communication with his teachers and they were very cooperative in helping my son.  Now that he has 6 different teachers, it has become much harder.  My son is very intelligent and the school does not want to put a paraprofessional since he does not need help academically.  He has had several detentions (after school, in-school and Saturday) due to behavioral problems, such as offending other kids by his "stalking" and saying inappropriate comments.  The principle feels he is just being deliberately defiant by bothering students that he has been told to stay away from.  I am very knowledgeable about love and logic as you have recommended to others and try to use every situation as a teachable moments, but how can I get the school personnel to understand that some of my son's behaviors are not going to change no matter how often he is in detention?

Answer
Hi Kay,

If your son has an IEP, ask for an update meeting on the grounds that the transition from one teacher to several is not working well and nobody is on the same page. All his teachers should attend. If he does not have an IEP, you need to get one in place. The social realm is just as important as the academic. Puberty also makes social issues more difficult.

I think that an occupational therapist is called for. Your son needs direct teaching in how to behave in ways that are not interpreted as "stalking" or disrespectful. Letting this go is not in anyone's best interest.

Whether the school wants to acknowledge it or not, they are just as responsible for his social integration as they are for his academic advancement. You are his best advocate and it can be an uphill climb to get what he needs, but keep fighting for him.