You are here:

Autism/Asperger's syndrome, daughter and ego issues...


My 16 year old daughter has had a major personality change recently. She's normally a gentle, kind girl, and looks a little bit like Taylor Swift.
However, her ego has recently got the better of her, after a girl told her she looked like Taylor, and now everything she does revolves around her ego or inflating it. She sometimes says about things "That will DEFLATE MY EGO!!" and her social media pages are full of nothing but "WORSHIP MY EGO"-type stuff, but nothing personal. A friend of ours thinks it goes beyond normal teen behavior and may indicate a mental problem.

Me and her mum are worried; could this indicate some sort of illness, or is it normal teenage behaviour?
If we did go in for some sort of assessment, wouldn't it be expensive or could it be NHS-related? (also, she's got Asperger's syndrome, a side-form of autism too)

I mean, if you had a friend or colleague who refused to do things because of their ego, wouldn't you be concerned?

It's odd, and it worries me.

(I'm on a shared wi-fi, so on the move, if this is a bit hastily written, I'm sorry!!)

Often parents of typical children report a child in the child's personality in the early teen years. Some kids on the autism spectrum (including Asperger's) seem immature compared to their age peers and may reach this "change" later.

It would be flattering for a young girl to be compared to Taylor Swift. Some teens might take that comparison with a grain of salt. Kids on the autism spectrum are often concrete, black and white thinkers, taking things literally. She may have taken the compliment to extremes.

We hear much talk about bullying and self-concept. Again, a young person with Asperger's may put a literal spin on the importance of maintaining a positive self-concept or ego.

Without knowing your daughter or more about her, this may be a kid with Asperger's putting a different spin on things and over-generalizing. If that describes her, then guidance from you on keeping things in proportion, that not everything relates to her ego, etc. may help. She likely has no idea how she is coming across to others and may not realize that what she's saying and how's she's acting could be interpreted by others as conceited, or self-centred, etc.

To answer your last question, yes I would be worried. Anything is concerning when it interferes with your life. Sometimes we simply have to do things whether we want to or not, and whether or not it could negatively impact our egos. A person overly worried about possible ego damage would never take a risk, never apply for a job, never attempt a new adventure or relationship.

Some of this can be talked about incidentally at home. Some things may be more difficult for a young girl to accept from her parents and talking to a counselor or trusted adult might be easier.


All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Dr. Sharon A. Mitchell


Sharon can help with parenting and educational concerns. She has worked in teaching, special education, counseling and consulting for over thirty years and gives workshops to educators and parents on working with kids with autism spectrum disorders. Sharon speaks from both the education and parent points of view, having an adult son with Asperger's.


Sharon has spent decades as a special education consultant with a school district and autism consult for the province's Department of Education, giving workshops and individual consults. Currently she works as regional autism consultant for a health district in between teaching university classes. She is an Amazon bestselling author or a series of novels, each depicting a child who has an autism spectrum disorder. Sharon's Master's thesis looked at the long-term outlook for persons with high functioning autism and Asperger's. Her Doctorate focused on strategies to help those with autism spectrum disorders.

Website at and sits on Autism Today's Panel of Experts (

Author of "Autism Goes to School" - a novel about autism that that became an Amazon bestseller. Get this Amazon bestseller free at In the next book, Autism Runs Away, Ethan is only in grade one and already has been kicked out of one school due to his tantrums and pattern of running away when in a panic. Now in a new school his mom remains glued to her phone, waiting for the call to tell her that they don’t know what to do with a child who has autism. Sara is about to learn if this new school is up to the challenge. ( Autism Belongs is the 3rd book. Manny's life has shrank to the confines of their house. His parents are desperate not to rock his world because the aggression has gotten to much worse. Where will this lead? Is there a chance that Manny could actually belong out in the world? You bet! Get a free sample at Book four, Autism Talks and Talks, is about a 12 year old girl who has Asperger's. She's bright, inquisitive, highly verbal, but lacks social skills. Try a free sample at Book five, Autism Grows Up features Suzie, a bright, twenty-one year old whose life collapsed after she finished high school. Now, she lives in her mother's basement, spending nights on her computer, afraid to broach the world outside their door. Autism Grows Up is found at Prefer a boxed set? Get the first 3 books bundled together at Co-author of bestseller, The Official Autism 101 Manual (

B.A. in Psychology, B.Ed. in Special Education, M.A. in Educational Leadership PhD. in Psychology Management, specializing in autism.

Awards and Honors
B.R.A.G. Medallion for the novel Autism Goes to School - Book 1 in the School Daze Series. ( Like Autism Goes to School, the third book in the series, Autism Belongs, also ranked #1 on Amazon ( Manny is not like other children. He doesn’t talk. He doesn’t leave the house. His parents desperately try to arrange their world so that Manny does not get upset. Because, when he does, well, the aggression was getting worse. At ten, Manny was becoming difficult to handle.

©2016 All rights reserved.