I am an aspie and I have met other aspies. One of them said that he has to focus only on one activity in his life. It's like he can only focus on that thing in his life. He talks about other interests as well but seems to only have the capacity to do that one particular activitu. It would be nice to be friends with aspies but they seem difficult (guess I'm also difficult).
How do you become friends if both of you have an asperger's diagnosis?
Do aspies only want to meet people if they can do activities they like? Do aspies have difficulties with give and take (doing thing just to be with your friend) that is important for friendship?
How much should one try to be friend (eg doing things after work or on weekends) with an aspie before giving up (I am talking about aspies who seem to like you)?

There are a million different ways people with Aspergerís inadvertently isolate themselves from the world of friendship.  Often Aspies get frustrated the other people when they donít understand their behavior.  Trying to recognize the meaning of social communication such as body language, facial and voice expressions as well as the unwritten social rules are extremely difficult.  So limiting social interactions to sharing a specific activity can often be easier, particularly if you are confident in the activity itself.  Activities have definite rules that govern situations and that alone make the context easier for an Aspie.  
If you want to really be friends with someone diagnosed with Aspergerís syndrome, then the communication has to be black and white, no shades of gray.  This can be very hard, but it cuts away the need of social skill interpretation.  Tell the person exactly what you want and listen to what they want.  Be loyal and explain if you get upset, exactly what you want the other person to do. (Not what you donít want them to do!)  This must be in clear concrete terms and donít expect that they will do anything more or less than your request.  
True friendship is clear communication and trying to meet the other personís needs.  
Good Luck!
Dr Judy Horrocks


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Dr. Judy Horrocks


Questions about behavior, communication and social skills. Also any questions on educational treatments.


I have been an educator for over 30 years. I have worked as a special education teacher, administrator, principal, and consultant. I have given presentations about autism on both the state and national level.

Council for Exceptional Children

Principals Attitudes regarding the inclusion of children diagnosed with autism in Pennsylvania public schools, Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, v38 n8 p1462-1473 Sep 2008 Book coming out this spring about Autism through Cambridge Press. I am a contributing author, I wrote the chapter on educational treatments.

B.A. in psychology from Penn State University M.S. in special education from Beaver College (now Arcadia University) Ed. D. in educational leadership from Lehigh University

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