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Autism/My 23 yr. old son was just diagnosed as having Asperger's Syndrome

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Expert: - 7/11/2007


Question
I have a son who is currently in the Navy (4.5 yrs) and was sent by his Chief to get help with anger management issues he was having.  He was diagnosed as having Asperger's Syndrome. I remember anger being an issue with him since preschool but he was never a bully; he just did not seem to know how to socialize and make friends.

...we thought it was a behavior/choice issue as everyone (including his teachers) all confirmed him to be extremely intelligent.  He made a perfect score on the entrance test into the Navy and is one of the smartest in his field in the Nuclear Power Program of the Navy...Now he might be getting released from the Navy (administrative discharge) and I am wondering what can I do to help my son at this time so that he can move forward and live a happy and productive and successful life.  He is not a throwaway but even he has admitted needing help.  My dad says he is socially retarded and we just do not know how to help him.

My neighbor has a sister (40 yrs old and still living at home with her parents) who has asperger's...she says it is very hard for the entire family...Please note that my son is the first of five children.

Any helpful insight you can share is greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
Candy

Answer
Hi Candy,

Your story touches very close to home. Our daughter is about the same age. She is finishing her bachelor's degree in music this fall. So far, she has not held a job for long.

It is a cruel truth that many people with A.S. have very high intelligence but cannot function well in the world due to the social "deafness" that is the defining characteristic of the syndrome.

I think the best support you can give your son is to find him a good counselor to help him learn anger control skills. Look for someone who has experience working with autistic people and LIKES it. The counselor will teach him to identify the feelings that precede outbursts and strategies to head them off. Inability to identify emotion is one of the common issues for AS people. They just don't "feel" it until it become overwhelming.

Most of the adult high functioning autistic/Asperger's people I know who are earning a living do so by working independently. They are authors, computer programmers or electronic game designers, artists, gardeners, etc. With your son's expertise in nuclear power he may have opportunities to create a niche for himself in that industry.

Self-knowledge is a powerful thing. Encourage your son to read books by HFA/AS authors who have found ways to cope in the world. Dr. Temple Grandin and Stephen Shore are good examples.

Here are some Internet links where you can learn more:

http://www.neurodiversity.com/main.html (many links to books, articles and resources)

http://www.patientcenters.com/autism/news/resources.html (books and resources)

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/asperger/asperger.htm (the definitions and
government links)

http://www.autism.org/temple/meds.html (about medication)

http://www.autism.org/ (many links to information)

http://www.autismasperger.net/intro.htm (Stephen Shore’s web site)

Best wishes,
Catherine

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Catherine Ridenour

Expertise

I can answer your questions about parenting your High Functioning Autisic or Asperger`s Syndrome child. In particular, questions about family life, discipline, siblings, finding resources, and working with (sometimes opposing) the educational system are welcome.

Experience

I am the parent of an Asperger's Syndrome child who is now 22 years old. She went undiagnosed for 14 years of her life, so I have done extensive reading and Internet research into the possible cause of her difficulties. Even a short 8 years ago, A.S. was practically unheard of by the public educational system.

We fumbled our way through her childhood and early adolescence without any effective outside support. In some ways, that may have been a blessing as we were focused on her abilities rather than a label for her disability. However, I can think of many times when knowing WHY would have been comforting.

Had we known very early on, some social skills interventions might have made her life in school easier. At this point, I like her for who she is so I do not regret how things have turned out. More importantly, she likes herself.

Education/Credentials
I have a Bachelor of Science in Education.

I have worked to educate myself about Autism in general and HFA/AS in particular.

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