Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 10/31/2005

Question
My son, who will be three in two days, has been diagnosed as "most likely" having Asperger's.  With guidance from a pediatric behavioral psychologist, we placed him in a special needs, inclusive, preschool about two weeks ago.  The first two days he was fine.  While his behavior at prechool is good, since thenat home every day, nearly all day, we've been dealing with massive tantrums-screaming, hitting, kicking, throwing things, scratching, etc.  My child is very anxious all of the time, and now, even more so.  How do I help him deal with this reaction to the change of going to prechool and his overall anxiety?  Prior to preschool, he was at home with me all of the time.  So now, not only does he have to go somewhere everyday (which he usually resists), but he also has to be separated from me.  How can I help him?  How can I discipline him effectively?

Answer
Hi Treana,

Resistance to change is one of the hallmarks of an Autistic Spectrum disorder. All transitions need to be prepared with rituals, if possible.

When it's about 1/2 an hour before time to leave, tell him it is a preschool day and time to get ready.  Gather the coat, etc. and do the "getting ready" routine.  Remind him 15 minutes and 5 minutes before time to go.  Then, go.  No matter how he protests, he goes.  Just pick him up, if necessary.

Talk to the pre-school teacher about how they enforce acceptable behavior.  Use the same kind of rules at home.  Consistency is very important.

Never be tempted to use physical punishment with this kind of child.  It backfires every time.  He is expressing frustration in one of the only ways he has, by acting out.  We used "time out" to control behavior.  If he misbehaves, he goes to the corner, chair or room and stays for a few minutes.  At his age 3 minutes is a long time.  When time out is over, welcome him back.  If he re-offends, back he goes.

Autistic children do not know that others have feelings and they believe you know what they are thinking.  He has depended upon you to interpret the world for him.  Your reactions help him know what to do. Over time, he will learn to read others, but Asperger's makes that very hard.  He does not hear or see tone of voice and facial expression.  It's kind of a social "deafness."

As to the anxiety, sometimes medication is helpful, but he's awfully young for that.  I think he will settle down as things become familiar at pre-school.

Have you been allowed to visit the pre-school?  Try to get a chance to talk to other parents and find out if this reaction is common and if it has gotten better over time.  If they are positive, you can relax and know it should improve.

Best wishes,
Catherine