Expert: Dr. Sharon A. Mitchell - 8/20/2007

Question
I am in the process of starting a ministry at our church to reach out to families with kids of learning differences and gifted and talented children.  I am trying to keep the focus God centered and explain how helpful it is for all children like this adhd, autistic, bi-polar manic and so on to have consistency in their life and to feel that they are accepted and a part of something much larger than them.  I realize in most cases of divorce, which the statistics say 85% of all marriages fail in the case of a special needs child, the courts are protected because of church vs state law of 1922.  It saddens me that this is the case. My hfa son is very connected to God and talks to me about it quite a lot.  Im hoping that eventually dads who refuse to look at their children for who they really are will join in our ministry. Until them Im out searching as many mothers are trying to find some answers.  Also just today my son asked me when we were going to start our foundation.  Im trying to get something started for him so it will help build his low self esteem.  It hurts so much to hear your child say everyday no one likes me and im so stupid. I constantly say back to him we all do and you are so smart..  Hope any of you can shed some light on this matter.

Answer
Good for you. I especially like that your ministry will include not just kids with autism or kids with any particular diagnosis. Just kids who learn differently or have challenges to face.

The consistency of frequent meetings, the feeling of belonging and helping each other will provide untold benefits.

You will be an example for other parents who find it hard to accept their children's differences. I'm unsure why but it is frequently dad's who seem to have greater difficulty with this.

Have your read Luke Jackson's book, "Freaks, Geeks and Asperger's Syndrome"? Luke is a 13 year old British boy with Asperger's. It's an excellent book by a lad who has come to terms with himself and has a positive attitude. You can find it at this link: http://www.amazon.com/Freaks-Geeks-Asperger-Syndrome-Adolescence/dp/1843100983/r...

Your son's low self-esteem may have partly arisen because of his difficulty with social skills. Not only kids with autism spectrum disorders, but kids with ADHD, bi-polar and learning disabilities also often have weaknesses in this area. It can be hard to feel smart when you notice that other kids pick up easily social things that you find hard to interpret. But many of these skills can be taught and improved upon.

There are many good programs on acquiring and practicing social skills that you could use in a group such as you propose. Here are a few that I'd recommend and where you can view them on Amazon.com:

Thinking About You, Thinking About Me (http://www.amazon.com/Thinking-About-You-Me/dp/184310752X/ref=sr_1_3/105-2291103...)

Navigating the Social World: A Curriculum for Individuals with Asperger's Syndrome, High Functioning Autism and Related Disorders (http://www.amazon.com/Navigating-Social-World-Individuals-Functioning/dp/1885477...)

Acting Antics: A Theatrical Approach to Teaching Social Understanding to Kids and Teens with Asperger Syndrome (http://www.amazon.com/Acting-Antics-Theatrical-Approach-Understanding/dp/1843108...)

Let's Talk Emotions: Helping Children with Social Cognitive Deficits Including AS, HFA, and NVLD, Learn to Understand and Express Empathy and Emotions (http://www.amazon.com/Lets-Talk-Emotions-Cognitive-Understand/dp/1931282595/ref=...)

Social Skills Solutions: a Hands-on Manual for Teaching Social Skills to Children With Autism (http://www.amazon.com/Social-Skills-Solutions-Hands-Teaching/dp/0966526694/ref=s...)

Social Skills for Students with Autism (http://www.amazon.com/dp/0865863024?tag=autismhelpf0e-20&camp=14573&creative=327...)

Because of the diverse learners you'll have in your group, I'd suggest that you make your program heavy in visuals. By that, I mean don't spend most of your time talking. Whenever you give instructions, keep in mind that you'll get your point across better if you "show" rather than "tell". Don't just give oral directions, demonstrate; show them on paper; draw diagrams; write out the plan, etc.

Also, for each meeting, have a written schedule that all can see. Show the kids (and their parents) what you plan to accomplish that session. They'll feel comforted by the fact that there is a plan. And, their behavior will be better if the few rules you'll enforce are written or drawn clearly for all to see.

You can find out more information on how to use visuals and why you should use them at www.do2learn.com.

Also because of the variety of kids you'll have, you might find the information on the "All Kinds of Minds" website useful (http://www.allkindsofminds.org/). It's an excellent site by pediatrician Dr. Mel Levine. There you'll find demos of what it feels like to learn differently, as well as teaching and coping suggestions. Dr. Levine talks about the strengths inherent in each different learning style.

He's written a book you may like - "All Kinds of Minds: A Young Student's Book About Learning Abilities and Learning Disorders" (http://www.amazon.com/All-Kinds-Minds-Abilities-Disorders/dp/0838820905)

I wish you all the best in your endeavor.

Sharon A. Mitchell, B.A., B.Ed., M.A.
www.autismsite.ca