Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 4/23/2007

Question
We are really needing some kind of help with our 13-year-old son who
has hfa and fetal alcohol effects. Perhaps it is the teen thing,
but he is getting pretty out of control when he gets frustrated that
things can't go his way. It happened a couple of times yesterday.
When he was younger he was also able to keep himself occupied and
busy, but he seems to have lost that ability. He has one good
friend (whom I suspect has Asperger's) and the two boys share a love
of movies and pretend play about movies. Our son spent a good part
of the day on Saturday at his friend's and they both had a ball. It
was not convenient for our family or the other family that the boys
play again yesterday. Our son cannot readily see/understand/care
about the needs of others and just lost it. He slapped me, he
knocked a picture off the wall breaking the glass, shoved everything
off the computer desk, and started trashing his room. His resource
room teacher/family friend intervened, took our son out for a bit
and got him back on an even-keel.

When my husband got back from taking our daughter back to her
residential placement (3 hours away) he was very tired and was not
up to reading to our son when he asked. Again, our son lost it and
dumped out three big plastic Rubbermaid-like storage bins of
spring/summer clothing I was preparing to sort for the season. My
huband, finally worn out by our son's behavior, gave in and read to
him. We can't always do what our son wants done at the time he
wants it. How can we teach him???

Any advice?

Sue


Answer
Hi Sue,

Adolescence is a very difficult time for autistic youngsters. You are seeing the effects of rising hormones.

You must establish some logical consequences for violent behavior. Do NOT give into him no matter how tired you may be. If you cannot handle him, call for help from trusted friends.

Since I do not know him, I am unsure of his ability to foresee the consequences of his behavior. Perhaps you can use movie story lines to teach him. If he can distinguish reality from "pretend" this may be effective. He needs to know that if he hurts someone he may end up in prison. You should not shield him from this knowledge as it may help him to choose to control himself.

I recommend you order some books that address the issues of adolescent HFA youngsters. I am unsure of the complications of fetal alcohol effect, but I believe he will have more difficulty with behavior control because of it. The development of a conscience is slow and difficult for autistic people and also for fetal alcohol effect individuals.

Here are some web links to assist you in your search:

http://www.aspergers.com/Adolesc.htm (adolescence issues)

http://www.autismasperger.net/intro.htm (Stephen Shore’s web site)

Best wishes,
Catherine