Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 4/3/2006

Question
Hello,

I have a 4 year old who has just been diagnosed with Asperger's.  Last year (at one school) and the first half of this year(at a new school) he ALWAYS got out of the car in the carpool line for preschool.  All of a sudden, with no apparent change from us or his teachers who get him from the car, he refuses to get out of the car, he throws his bookbag on the ground, he cries and the strongest teacher has to carry him into class.

His preschool director is very upset with his behavior.  She has called an urgent meeting with us to see if we can fix this.  Our developmental pedicatrician is out for vacation.  

Could you please suggest anything that might help him?  

Thanks so much!

Stef  

Answer
Hi Stef,

Wow, this must be really embarassing and upsetting.

It is not uncommon for a child with A.S. to make a sudden decision like this.  Finding out why can be difficult.

First, ask him.  If he's as verbal as the A.S children I know, he can probably tell you. If he won't or can't tell you, try to figure out what kind of traumatic incident might have made him decide that pre-school is no longer a good place. Did someone tease him? Did a teacher make a "promise" they did not keep.  (A.S. people take things very literally and "we might" comes to mean "we WILL")

Next, try changing the scenery.  Find out of you can drop him off at some other spot or park a block away and walk.  I know it's inconvenient, but I've found that picking your battles is wise. I have never had any success trying to force my daughter to "get over" anything like this.  She only set her will against mine and we had a battle royal. It was almost as if my trying to talk her out of it proved she was right to be afraid or resistant.

All children, even "aspies" tend to develop irrational fears around the age of 4.  They are just beginning to be able to anticipate consequenses and they have a limited understanding of cause and effect. Some fear vacuum cleaners, some animals and I have even heard from a parent whose A.S. child was afraid of houses with red roofs.

The good news is that it may blow over as quickly as it started and you may never know why.

Do consult his pediatrician as soon as he/she gets back.  However, I doubt he or she will have much more of an answer on this particular topic.

Best wishes.  If you do find out the cause, let me know.  I'd love to hear the "why."

Catherine