Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 12/5/2007

Question
My son is 14 years old and started high school this year.  We live in Chillicothe, MO.  He was diagnosed as high functioning at age 7 and it was changed to PDD-NOS when he was 11.  He also takes medication for ADD, which has really helped with some of the problems we've had in the past.  Took me a few years to finally admit he needed this.  Now, he wants to take it, so take it he will.

He does have an IEP in place but our problems are teachers who simply don't "get" it.  He is fully mainstreamed and has a resource study hall to help with homework and getting things organized. His core classes are "classes within a class".  Regular classrooms with an aide present. Not specifically for my son but for any special education student who may need her help.

Once or twice a week I am getting emails from his resource room teacher asking how much longer should they do this or that?  How much longer should we keep telling him to write assignments down?  How much longer should we tell him to take his books out?  How much longer do we have to remind him to turn in assignments?

All of these are the same issues we've had every single year and every year the teachers seem to feel these issues will end.  They get better, about April when school is almost over.  Then the next year, it starts all over again.

One of the problems this year is his study hall is first hour.  Previous years it was last hour. Any assignments he didn't get could be gotten, he could do homework and they made sure he had everything that needed to be brought home.  First hour, if he missed an assignment or simply misunderstood, or didn't bring something home, it's pretty much too late.  Having a last hour study hall is out of the question, there isn't one that hour.

This year we have a very eager resource study hall teacher who is in almost daily contact with me.  Parents dream, not hardly.  I have no idea what to suggest to her to make these issues better.  Just want to tell her to get use to it and make things easy on herself and just accept that this is the way it is going to be!

I know they mean well, but they just don't get it.

Answer
Hi Brenda,

I think the problem is that the teachers and aides are expecting a "cure" by assisting him with his shortcomings. While he will continue to progress you and I both know it will be in micro-steps.

Must high-functioning spectrum kids are about 3 years behind themselves emotionally and organizationally. They should not expect better than 11 year old function from him.

I find the analogy of deafness to be something most people understand. That is, a deaf child can learn to speak but only after years of practice. They can learn to lip-read, but will never get all the words no matter how hard they study.

Your son has some missing neural connections. He will always struggle with organization and follow through. The teachers and aides should recognize that reminding him to write down the assignments and take the books home is like being his hearing-aide. He will always need it, just as the deaf child needs his.

I would like to offer you the hope that, as he matures, he may have better ability to keep track of his assignments. Our daughter never turned in a lick of homework in high school. But, once she got to college and it was up to her alone, she worked out a system. Her freshman year was a real struggle. She will graduate this term with her Bachelor's in Music.

I can only surmise that she wanted it so badly she made it happen in combination with having had more time for her nervous system to mature and make new connections.

I want to recommend two books to you. They were written by Dr. Temple Grandin, herself an autistic person. "Developing Careers" is about finding your passion and making a living at it. This is something your son needs to start thinking about. The second book, "Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships," can help him understand what is going on behind people's eyes when they interact.

Best wishes,
Catherine