Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 10/3/2007

Question
My 6yo son with high functioning autism has had a recent change in behavior and learning how to help him control it and finding an effective strategy is stumping me.  He's had a lot of changes in the past few months. The new things in his life since May are preschool ending, the return of his beloved primary caregiver from maternity leave, the new baby that now accompanies his primary caregiver, his temp. caregiver his gone, summer, losing some favorite foods in his diet due to newly discovered allergies, and now starting Kindergarten.  It seems like a lot of changes for any 6 yo let alone one with AS.  Hence, I've been hoping his escalating angry talk/mean talk (hit, smash, kill, etc.) would dissipate with time but it is becoming more intense and the triggers seem more irratic.  He has had full days at school or home with no "meltdowns" and simply dreadful days at both. It seems once he has a "meltdown" his ability to regulate himself is diminished for the rest of the day so his behavior deteriorates.  His saying kill the teachers or kill the bus or kill whatever is very concerning to his teachers and the parents of his classmates.  Now he has begun biting and tripping.  This is new for me, and I don't know where to start.  His time-outs end-up being very long and seem to make him less able to pull himself together.  He doesn't care if you take away toys or it doesn't seem to affect him.  It just seems like he's angry and can't tell me why.  I tried using situations from books etc when someone is mad to discuss anger and he says frantically "stop talking, no talking".  He is recetnly acting out that he is going on vacation alone for 100 days and when he gets back he wants either a new sitter or his foods back or a new school or a new busdriver, etc.  The story changes.  Sorry so long but I'm trying to give you the only clues I can think of for his changes so you can most effectively help me.

Answer
Hi Angela,

Thank you for all the detail. You did not say too much.

You are correct, there have been too many changes at once. It's no one's fault, life is like that. It's just harder for an AS child to cope. In particular, his caregiver's new baby probably makes him feel displaced.

I recommend you find a good play therapist who can help him work out his anger in non-confrontational ways. He is too overwhelmed to deal with it intellectually, thus his reaction to the stories. (Not a bad idea, by the way, just not enough for this situation.)

Talk to the teacher and the other parents. Assure them that "kill" should not be taken literally but as an expression of how extreme his distress is at that moment. It may be necessary for him to have an adult aid with him during class, for a while, to help head off the biting incidents. He should not spend too much time in time out. It is necessary to interrupt misbehavior and give him time to regroup. Prolonged time outs go into the realm of punishment without purpose. 10 minutes is the max I would recommend.

It is my opinion that what gets attention is reinforced. Try to ignore his verbal outbursts. Deal with the need and not the method of communication. If he says "kill the bus driver" find out what happened on the bus rather than correcting him for saying "kill." Say something like, "you sound angry about your bus ride. Tell me more."

With adequate support, he will be able to adapt to his new life as a kindergartener.

Best wishes,
Catherine