Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 3/1/2007

Question

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The text above is a follow-up to ...hitting.  Thank you Catherine for your response.  Unfortunately my children share a room and they share toys.  She is almost as tall as him so putting the toys where she cannot reach them won't work either.  Most of the time when this happens, they are in the living room or another common area.  I have tried to tell not to take his stuff and also taking away they are fighting over away from both of them.  So far no luck.

-----Question-----
My 3 yr old with autism will not stop hitting my 18 month old on top of the head repeatedly whenever she "invades his territory" mostly his toys.  She is constantly getting beat up and I don't know how to address this.  I have made him tell me not to hit his sister and have repeatedly made him say this as well as hitting him on top of the head so he will understand what hitting is, still no luck, any advice?
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Hi Pilar,

This is a very common reaction of an older autistic child toward a younger sibling.

You need to know that part of autism is the inability to understand that other people have thoughts and feelings. He does not have the ability to know other people hurt when hit. He can learn this as he gets older but it will take a long time.

You must not leave him alone with his sister. It is part of the hard work of parenting an autistic child that they need supervision around all children younger than they are, both at home and in the neighborhood.

You can minimize some of the problem by preventing her from being able to access his stuff. Put it where he can reach it but she cannot. Keep her out of his room as much as you can. However, NEVER let him get the idea that it is ok to hit to defend his territory. Establish a consequence, like time out, if he hits. You might explain that if he hits because she touches his truck, he cannot play with the truck either for a day.

It will take many repetitions for him to learn the rules that he cannot hit. The reason is that every time the situation changes a little, it is like learning it all over again to him. He cannot generalize. That is, if he cannot hit her for taking his truck, he does not automatically understand he also cannot hit her for taking his book.

Here are some links to resources for you to use. Especially, look into "social stories." They are a way to teach autistic children social skills through special books for each kind if issue.

http://www.neurodiversity.com/main.html (many links to books, articles and resources)

http://www.patientcenters.com/autism/news/resources.html (books and resources)

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/asperger/asperger.htm (the definitions and government links)

http://www.autism.org/temple/meds.html (about medication)

http://www.autism.org/ (many links to information)

http://www.pnas.org/cgi/content/full/95/23/13982#B14 (About movement in infancy)

http://groups.msn.com/TheAutismHomePage/toilettraining.msnw (toilet training)

http://www.angelfire.com/pa5/as/asteachersites.html (teaching resources)

Best wishes,
Catherine  

Answer
Hello again,

Unfortunately, their ages are working against you.

An 18 month old child is not able to control her impulse to play with an attractive toy and a 3 year old, even a "normal" one, is not very much more able or willing to share his things. So, part of this is just going to take time. The rest, I'm sorry to say, is going to take active monitoring on your part.

It's exhausting and discouraging. I'm sorry I cannot offer a quick fix. You have my empathy. Try to find other parents who have autistic children. They don't play any better together than your kids, but the parents will understand what you are going through and can offer support.

It is really important to take good care of yourself and not let yourself become isolated. This can lead to burn-out and depression.
Best wishes,
Catherine